Nikki Part III
It had been three weeks since I planned to take my life and Nikole Seasons, who calls herself Nikki, indirectly saved me from doing so. Come to find out she came to me by way of my old college roommate, Bobbie Kees. I have received many referrals from tons of clients, family members, and friends, but none of them can hold a candle to Nikole Seasons. She is absolutely flawless; standing about 5 feet 9 inches, golden caramel complexion, and tight oval shaped eyes, full luscious lips with perfect teeth to match. She was gorgeous on the outside; with a body that could bring any woman or man to their knees. However, on the inside there seemed to be a million volcanoes erupting all at once. Let’s face it, she is a mess! The day she showed up on my doorstep she ended up staying for three hours. She totally helped me escape my own issues. Usually in cases of emergencies I charge double by the hour, but I couldn’t convince myself to take her money even if I wanted to. I was for sure in no need of it. I had been blessed to be named the top psychologist with the most clients in my office. So having one case on the house was no problem.
It took her quite some time to warm up to me, and that is definitely understandable, because I was a complete stranger. Here she was in my living room attempting to empty her mental space and place it in my hands. I told her to take her time and only share as much information with me that she felt comfortable to. There were a few moments of silence, and during these times I took the time to look at her. She was indeed a well groomed woman; youthful with a sense of elegance that I hadn’t encountered before. There was no doubt that this woman took pride in herself and her appearance. I have known women like this to be someone who uses their physical beauty to cover up the mental bruises they portray. All those insecurities that lie within them. I could not help but to wonder would she be just like the rest of those women as I sat there tracing the frame of her perfectly sculptured body.
“I know you must think I’m crazy and I sincerely want to extend my apologies once again for showing up on such short notice.” She said with her eyes plastered to the pants of her white business suit. She looked up at me with such remorse, and my heart instantly went out to her. “It’s just that lately I have been struggling with so many emotions that I knew if I didn’t talk to someone soon I would completely lose it.”
“Well, I am glad that you decided to speak to someone. Most people don’t recognize the dangers of stress, and don’t act on their problems until something traumatic occurs. So kudos to you for that.” I sat there feeling so unprepared. I know I should have had my legal pad and recorder in front of me, but I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable than she already was. I would have to wing this one, and depend on my memory alone. “So what exactly have you been struggling with lately Nikole? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Oh Dr. Washington! My life has made a complete 360 in the past two months. Things weren’t perfect, but they were manageable. I had a wonderful career, a healthy bank account, a loving family, great friends, and the world was at my fingertips. I did not break when I lost the biggest case of my career. I didn’t break when my house burned down with everything that I owned inside. I didn’t break when my childhood friend of 31 years sexually assaulted and raped me. I didn’t break when I found out I was pregnant with his child. It wasn’t until my other half, my sanity; my identical twin sister took her life.” Tears were streaming down her face by this time. I felt a lump in my throat as well, because this was a ton of misery for just one person to take on.
I walked over to my fireplace and grabbed the box of Kleenex and handed them to her. “I can see how all of this would break you Nikole. I honestly wouldn’t know how to handle so much at one time myself. You prove to be a very strong woman.”
“I was raised to be strong, and to never let anything or anyone cause me to fall on my face. I was taught that every hurdle can be jumped no matter how high. But when I walked into my sister’s condo and saw her hanging from the banister of her staircase, I fell flat on my face.” She wiped her nose and dried her face. “I lost it that day. And the world that I once had, ended.”
“I know that you mentioned you and your sister were close. Were you aware of any problems that she might’ve had that would make her take her life?” I asked, as I sat there marinating in my own guilt. I felt so selfish and horrible for what I was about to do one second before this woman knocked on my door. I sat there looking at how miserable she was. Look at how much sorrow was in her life now that her sister was gone. I couldn’t imagine taking my best friend and family through this type of pain.
“She was a free spirit. She lived her life on the edge, and this was something that I was always envious of. I was the one who always had to have such a structured life, and I worried about everything. She spent most of her days trying to get me to loosen up. That’s why I don’t understand why she would kill herself!” she laid her head on the back of my couch and stared at the ceiling for quite some time. I wanted to interject, but I decided against it. “Her and my parents didn’t get along. She always jokingly said that if she were to die, they wouldn’t care, because all they cared about was me anyway. I never took her seriously on this matter, because mom and dad loved her.”
“How do your parents feel now? What were their conditions after the…funeral?” Speaking of death with my clients was something that I wasn’t comfortable with. I was trained not to hesitate in any of my words and deliverance when dealing with clients, but sometimes it is hard. I took a deep breath and awaited her response.
“Well my mother was a wreck. I knew it was more guilt than anything. My dad didn’t show much emotion. He didn’t cry at her funeral, but when he speaks of her now the sorrow in which he feels seeps through his pores. I know they both feel bad for the relationship they chose to have or not have with her, but now it’s too late.” She rubbed her stomach. “It’s too late for a lot of things…”
“Lots of things like what?” I asked.
“Once I finally came to grips with the fact that I had life growing inside of me, it was too late.” She started to cry again. “I hated that life at first. I selfishly only thought about me and I just knew that my career would be jeopardized because of this “curse” that was placed inside of me.” She shook her head back and forth. “He showed me. God has made me pay for my thoughts. He allowed me to grow to love the child within me and then He took it away from me!”
“Did you miscarriage?” I asked.
“Yes.” She said with a light chuckle. She dabbed her eyes dry again. “And here I was so worried about the baby ruining my career, and I lost the biggest case of my career on my own!” She looked back up to the ceiling and yelled, “I hear you loud and clear! I get it!”
“Nikole, I don’t know if you are a religious woman, but I must say that I don’t believe God does anything to purposely hurt us. Things happen in our lives that are meant to teach us a lesson, but Satan is the cause of all evil. I don’t think that God took the lives of your sister and your unborn child.” I hope that I didn’t overstep the code of ethics by dabbling too much into the whole religion thing.
“Maybe you’re right. Perhaps all of this was just mapped into my life’s timeline and design. Who knows? I just want to know how the hell am I going to get through this one with all my marbles still accounted for, you know?” She rhetorically asked.
“Yes, I know. Like I said earlier, it is quite apparent that you are a very strong woman with a great deal of common sense. I know that this is indeed a very high hurdle to jump and I am here to help you whenever you need it. Don’t hesitate to call me when you feel the need to. Besides, any friend of Bobbi’s is a friend of mine”, I smiled at her hoping to bring some light into her world as impossible as I thought it was at the moment.
To my surprise she smiled back. “I do thank you again Dr. Washington for allowing me into your home and listening to me spill my guts.” She laughed. “I don’t want this to be the last time that we speak and I know that I will need more than just this one session.” She reached into her purse and handed me her business card. “Please give me a call at my office so that we can set up something more legit and professional so to speak. I know your services aren’t free. In fact, here you go.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. “Please take this, because I can’t leave here without paying you for just listening to me. You have no idea how much was lifted off of me just venting out to you.”
I pushed her hand away. “I will not accept your monies Nikole. You came here on behalf of a very dear friend of mine. I couldn’t possibly charge you for this. Let’s just consider this one on the house.” I winked as I got up from my love seat. “We will indeed set up regular appointments for you to attend at my office. Then I’ll have to take your money,” I laughed. We both headed for the door. “Well thank you for allowing me to listen to you today Nikole, and please expect my call sometime tomorrow afternoon.” I said opening the front door so she could depart.
“Please call me Nikki, Dr. Washington. I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” She said walking out into the darkness of the night to her car.
I did call her the next day to set up our first appointment which is scheduled for today. I got in touch with Bobbie a couple days after my first encounter with Nikki. Now that she and I are well off into our separate lives and careers we don’t have much time for one another now days. Every blue moon we get together for lunch just to catch up on times that have slipped by us. It is always an enjoyable occasion and a pleasure to see how successful my friend has become. However, this last occasion was quite different. Everything was going well until I mentioned her name. The name of the woman who seems to become more and more mysterious with every thought that she steals in my mind. When I spoke the name of Nikole Seasons you would’ve thought Bobbie had seen a ghost. Needless to say our lunch date was cut short that day. I am curious to know why and I will find out sooner than later.
