Cliff Hangers

I revealed in my other blog that I'm reading Midnight by Sister Soulja. Not feeling it too much, but there was this line in chapter 32 that stuck out to me. It stuck out, because it's something that always seems to happen to me.

"I wondered if she even needed me to participate in this conversation. It seemed like she could ask me all the questions in the world, but was too jumpy to listen for my answers. Or maybe she didn't want any answers, I don't know." - Sister Soulja; Midnight

Please remove your heads from your asses people. Okay, maybe that was a rather harsh way to start off my opinionated rant on the subject matter. I just don't understand how people can go through life and not actually sit back and listen. I mean really listen. Listen with all of themselves, and I donʼt just mean with their ears. More so their minds and their hearts; our ears are just a bonus if you ask me. How can one spew the words I love you, and don't pay attention long enough to the person they claim to love? Isn't that like a contradiction in action? I believe so. I'll say this, I let artificial things, be exactly what they are.

It's said that I am too quiet, too reserved, too uptight, too technical, too mechanical, too organized, and too judgmental. Well, I couldn't give TWO fucks. Okay, maybe that was too harsh as well; I apologize. Like the quote reads, I just know a one sided conversation when I hear one. There is no need for me to waste my precious words and/or thoughts on you if I already know that you won't be attentive enough to listen. I know I'll be cut off for some random bullshit before I reach the ladder part of my sentence. I respect that everyone will not be interested in the things I have to say, but donʼt play yourself and tell me that you want to learn who I am, and you don't even show up to class. You're failing with flying colors.

The character Midnight truly reminds me of myself. He's different, and couldn't fit in if he tried. He always stands out, not in a fashionable sense, but in a mental sense, in his demeanor, and in his traditional ways. He's foreign. I was born right here in the United States of American, and I find myself feeling foreign to the ways of the American people. I was born into a religion and family that taught me to not blend in. It taught me to listen beyond what the ear canal can grasp and to see with my mind's eye. I have been mingling with people all of my life, that I knew didn't understand me. They took me to be just like them, but the handful of people that actually took the time out to listen to me quickly learned just how different I am. Just how out of the ordinary that I am. They were not too jumpy to catch on. Sometimes engaging with a person like me is like playing at the edge of a cliff. Jumpy people do exactly that; JUMP OFF! Damn, I wonder if I looked over the edge of my cliff, exactly how many bodies would I see stacked?

It's funny how the only thing some people hear is goodbye. They donʼt hear anything before the word. They donʼt even hear your footsteps moving toward the door. They are so stuck on themselves they donʼt feel their hands on your back pushing you toward that door leading to the final word. Oh how was my day? Oh, you didn't ask me that. Oh how am I doing today? You didnʼt ask that either. What makes me tick? Good question, too bad you didn't ask me that one either. Hold on for a second. Well, I've been holding on this entire conversation, because obviously you aren't even talking to me, but yourself. What am I thinking? If I begin to tell you will you sink or will you swim in my words?

Your feet are dangling baby, you're hanging off the edge of this cliff about to plunge to what seems like your destiny in the world of me. It all makes me realize that I'm just a temporary fix for some folks permanent flaws.