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Love in the 80's

Wow, long time no write around these parts. I've been missing in action for quite some time; I apologize. I do have some things to get off my chest though. I've been writing old school style lately. Good old fashioned pen and paper. Other than that; where have I been? Well, I've been out on the town with love. I've finally found a woman who seems to be suitable for me. Anyone who has kept up with this blog knows my struggle when it comes to females. Boy do I know how to pick em'! I think I did alright for myself this time.

Everyone keeps telling me that this woman isn't what they pictured me with. Yes, she is out of the norm for me, but that’s a good thing. That was my problem; I would always fall for the same type of female and end up with the same problems. I was use to dealing with girls, and now I have a woman. The only thing left for me to do is get my mind right. Get out of that state of mind that I was so use to being in. I'm use to the fireworks going off by now. I'm use to being on a constant roller coaster ride, but this woman is no amusement park. She's almost perfect, and that scares me a little. Nothing sets her off, and she's so easy going about EVERYTHING. That’s a good thing right? I believe it is. She doesn't get jealous over any other female that may still be calling my phone. Her confidence and security level is through the roof. That's a great thing. She doesn't argue or debate, and she agrees with pretty much everything. Nothing is a big deal with here. In this, I am bitter-sweet.

Me being the woman I am; I need that "kick" in a relationship. I need to be put in my place 70% of the time. I need to feel like I'm in a relationship. For some reason, I still feel like I'm single. I feel free, because she's so passive. I'm use to the 21 questions. I'm use to the possessive tendencies. I'm use to the disagreements that turn me on and anticipate me for the make up session. But everything with her is….perfect. I'm use to dealing with Tasha Smith character on Why Did I Get Married, but I got the Jill Scott. Why complain? I got everything I asked for. She's the total package. I'm so use to being in a chaotic romantic setting, that I don't know how to deal in peace.

My whole fear in this perfect relationship; is that I'll grow bored. I'm no good when I'm bored, because that hardly EVER happens to me. This is why that "kick" in the relationship keeps me on my toes. It keeps me alert and keeps me fired up to keep going. I don't want to be the typical lesbian, and thrive off drama. I believe I'm a far cry from the typical lesbian, but a thickened plot makes the story so much better. I just don't want to keep looking like the evil villain, because of what I'm use to. The last thing I want to do is keep hurting her feelings, because I don’t know how to play the hand I was dealt; which is the one that I asked for.

This is still in it's early stages, and in my eyes only has the potential to get better with time. I don’t want my ways to push her away. My extreme loner ways. My unaffectionate ways. My independent ways. Oh, and yes being too independent can be a bad thing. Your mate might feel obsolete, because you do everything on your own and want no input or help. I'm good for this. All things I am working on. The affectionate thing will probably never come though. That's just not me. Nobody in my family is affectionate other than my half sister. I grew up with a mother and father that didn’t even sleep in the same bed. We didn't eat dinner together at the table. Every family member were for themselves. We were 3 strangers under one roof. So affection is something that came every blue moon for me my entire life. You can't miss something you never really had. You also can't be expected to give it either.

All I can say is; I can't let past dealings with psychotic females cause me to mess up something good. Something that I'll probably on get one chance in my life to encounter. She is my 80 after ohhhh soooo many 20's. Love in the 20's brought me nothing but bitterness and heartache. I got everything but what I truly needed out of those situations. Love in the 80's brings maturity, understanding, unconditional love, peace and and a sense of compassion any man or woman only dreams about. I'm thankful. I love her. I just need to get my mind right and FAST!!!
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