Nikki Part 3 - AGAIN

Nikki Part III

It had been three weeks since I planned to take my life and Nikole Seasons, who calls herself Nikki, indirectly saved me from doing so. Come to find out she came to me by way of my old college roommate, Bobbie Kees. I have received many referrals from tons of clients, family members, and friends, but none of them can hold a candle to Nikole Seasons. She is absolutely flawless; standing about 5 feet 9 inches, golden caramel complexion, and tight oval shaped eyes, full luscious lips with perfect teeth to match. She was gorgeous on the outside; with a body that could bring any woman or man to their knees. However, on the inside there seemed to be a million volcanoes erupting all at once. Let’s face it, she is a mess! The day she showed up on my doorstep she ended up staying for three hours. She totally helped me escape my own issues. Usually in cases of emergencies I charge double by the hour, but I couldn’t convince myself to take her money even if I wanted to. I was for sure in no need of it. I had been blessed to be named the top psychologist with the most clients in my office. So having one case on the house was no problem.

It took her quite some time to warm up to me, and that is definitely understandable, because I was a complete stranger. Here she was in my living room attempting to empty her mental space and place it in my hands. I told her to take her time and only share as much information with me that she felt comfortable to. There were a few moments of silence, and during these times I took the time to look at her. She was indeed a well groomed woman; youthful with a sense of elegance that I hadn’t encountered before. There was no doubt that this woman took pride in herself and her appearance. I have known women like this to be someone who uses their physical beauty to cover up the mental bruises they portray. All those insecurities that lie within them. I could not help but to wonder would she be just like the rest of those women as I sat there tracing the frame of her perfectly sculptured body.

“I know you must think I’m crazy and I sincerely want to extend my apologies once again for showing up on such short notice.” She said with her eyes plastered to the pants of her white business suit. She looked up at me with such remorse, and my heart instantly went out to her. “It’s just that lately I have been struggling with so many emotions that I knew if I didn’t talk to someone soon I would completely lose it.”

“Well, I am glad that you decided to speak to someone. Most people don’t recognize the dangers of stress, and don’t act on their problems until something traumatic occurs. So kudos to you for that.” I sat there feeling so unprepared. I know I should have had my legal pad and recorder in front of me, but I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable than she already was. I would have to wing this one, and depend on my memory alone. “So what exactly have you been struggling with lately Nikole? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh Dr. Washington! My life has made a complete 360 in the past two months. Things weren’t perfect, but they were manageable. I had a wonderful career, a healthy bank account, a loving family, great friends, and the world was at my fingertips. I did not break when I lost the biggest case of my career. I didn’t break when my house burned down with everything that I owned inside. I didn’t break when my childhood friend of 31 years sexually assaulted and raped me. I didn’t break when I found out I was pregnant with his child. It wasn’t until my other half, my sanity; my identical twin sister took her life.” Tears were streaming down her face by this time. I felt a lump in my throat as well, because this was a ton of misery for just one person to take on.

I walked over to my fireplace and grabbed the box of Kleenex and handed them to her. “I can see how all of this would break you Nikole. I honestly wouldn’t know how to handle so much at one time myself. You prove to be a very strong woman.”

“I was raised to be strong, and to never let anything or anyone cause me to fall on my face. I was taught that every hurdle can be jumped no matter how high. But when I walked into my sister’s condo and saw her hanging from the banister of her staircase, I fell flat on my face.” She wiped her nose and dried her face. “I lost it that day. And the world that I once had, ended.”

“I know that you mentioned you and your sister were close. Were you aware of any problems that she might’ve had that would make her take her life?” I asked, as I sat there marinating in my own guilt. I felt so selfish and horrible for what I was about to do one second before this woman knocked on my door. I sat there looking at how miserable she was. Look at how much sorrow was in her life now that her sister was gone. I couldn’t imagine taking my best friend and family through this type of pain.

“She was a free spirit. She lived her life on the edge, and this was something that I was always envious of. I was the one who always had to have such a structured life, and I worried about everything. She spent most of her days trying to get me to loosen up. That’s why I don’t understand why she would kill herself!” she laid her head on the back of my couch and stared at the ceiling for quite some time. I wanted to interject, but I decided against it. “Her and my parents didn’t get along. She always jokingly said that if she were to die, they wouldn’t care, because all they cared about was me anyway. I never took her seriously on this matter, because mom and dad loved her.”

“How do your parents feel now? What were their conditions after the…funeral?” Speaking of death with my clients was something that I wasn’t comfortable with. I was trained not to hesitate in any of my words and deliverance when dealing with clients, but sometimes it is hard. I took a deep breath and awaited her response.

“Well my mother was a wreck. I knew it was more guilt than anything. My dad didn’t show much emotion. He didn’t cry at her funeral, but when he speaks of her now the sorrow in which he feels seeps through his pores. I know they both feel bad for the relationship they chose to have or not have with her, but now it’s too late.” She rubbed her stomach. “It’s too late for a lot of things…”

“Lots of things like what?” I asked.

“Once I finally came to grips with the fact that I had life growing inside of me, it was too late.” She started to cry again. “I hated that life at first. I selfishly only thought about me and I just knew that my career would be jeopardized because of this “curse” that was placed inside of me.” She shook her head back and forth. “He showed me. God has made me pay for my thoughts. He allowed me to grow to love the child within me and then He took it away from me!”

“Did you miscarriage?” I asked.

“Yes.” She said with a light chuckle. She dabbed her eyes dry again. “And here I was so worried about the baby ruining my career, and I lost the biggest case of my career on my own!” She looked back up to the ceiling and yelled, “I hear you loud and clear! I get it!”

“Nikole, I don’t know if you are a religious woman, but I must say that I don’t believe God does anything to purposely hurt us. Things happen in our lives that are meant to teach us a lesson, but Satan is the cause of all evil. I don’t think that God took the lives of your sister and your unborn child.” I hope that I didn’t overstep the code of ethics by dabbling too much into the whole religion thing.

“Maybe you’re right. Perhaps all of this was just mapped into my life’s timeline and design. Who knows? I just want to know how the hell am I going to get through this one with all my marbles still accounted for, you know?” She rhetorically asked.

“Yes, I know. Like I said earlier, it is quite apparent that you are a very strong woman with a great deal of common sense. I know that this is indeed a very high hurdle to jump and I am here to help you whenever you need it. Don’t hesitate to call me when you feel the need to. Besides, any friend of Bobbi’s is a friend of mine”, I smiled at her hoping to bring some light into her world as impossible as I thought it was at the moment.

To my surprise she smiled back. “I do thank you again Dr. Washington for allowing me into your home and listening to me spill my guts.” She laughed. “I don’t want this to be the last time that we speak and I know that I will need more than just this one session.” She reached into her purse and handed me her business card. “Please give me a call at my office so that we can set up something more legit and professional so to speak. I know your services aren’t free. In fact, here you go.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. “Please take this, because I can’t leave here without paying you for just listening to me. You have no idea how much was lifted off of me just venting out to you.”

I pushed her hand away. “I will not accept your monies Nikole. You came here on behalf of a very dear friend of mine. I couldn’t possibly charge you for this. Let’s just consider this one on the house.” I winked as I got up from my love seat. “We will indeed set up regular appointments for you to attend at my office. Then I’ll have to take your money,” I laughed. We both headed for the door. “Well thank you for allowing me to listen to you today Nikole, and please expect my call sometime tomorrow afternoon.” I said opening the front door so she could depart.

“Please call me Nikki, Dr. Washington. I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” She said walking out into the darkness of the night to her car.

I did call her the next day to set up our first appointment which is scheduled for today. I got in touch with Bobbie a couple days after my first encounter with Nikki. Now that she and I are well off into our separate lives and careers we don’t have much time for one another now days. Every blue moon we get together for lunch just to catch up on times that have slipped by us. It is always an enjoyable occasion and a pleasure to see how successful my friend has become. However, this last occasion was quite different. Everything was going well until I mentioned her name. The name of the woman who seems to become more and more mysterious with every thought that she steals in my mind. When I spoke the name of Nikole Seasons you would’ve thought Bobbie had seen a ghost. Needless to say our lunch date was cut short that day. I am curious to know why and I will find out sooner than later.

Published by: T. Nicole © 2008

Nikki Part 2 - AGAIN

Nikki Part II

Why can't things ever go my way when it comes to love? Why can't I meet the perfect woman for me? Who am I fooling? I realize that nobody is perfect, but damn for the past ten years of my life I have been striking out big time when it comes to the so called department of love. I have been walked on, spit on, cheated on, and taken full advantage of; I am truly sick of it. Am I under some type of evil curse? I know that I'm not an easy woman to get along with, but give me a break! Somebody is bound to be out there that knows how to handle a woman like me. I thought I found her, especially after I gave her the best part of me; which was my everything!

"Don't worry yourself to death about this Denise. You are much too strong of a woman to be sulking behind some lost love". This, coming from the mouth of my best friend of twelve years. Cassandra has been in my corner through thick and thin. Every good and bad point in my life, she was there. So her opinion is one that I value very deeply, but she was also the most cynical person I knew as well. She has never been in love unconditionally. So her opinion on this matter was biased. "Why are people so hung up on love anyway?" she asked. "I mean, if you ask me, love is highly overrated. My heart is much too valuable to be giving it away all willy nilly"! She exclaimed.

"Cassie please! This is not what I need right now. I really just want to be depressed in peace. I gave this woman the past seven years of my life and for her to just walk away as if I were nothing, makes me feel like crap. So if you'll excuse me, I need to be alone." I said, attempting to give her an invitation out of my house. When she found out that Kelli had left me earlier that day, she hurried to be by my side. Equipped with cheesecake and a big tub of French vanilla Blue Bell ice cream. Whenever we suffer from any type of heartache, we retreat to our Golden Girl therapy session. Cassie truly did know how to cheer me up and I appreciate all of her attempts today, but it's just not working this time. Stick a fork in me, because Denise Washington is finally done.

"So you're kicking me out?" she asked obviously catching on to my hint.

"Yeah girl I'm sorry, but I'm just not in the mood to talk anymore." I said getting up from my favorite cream colored recliner.

"Well due to the circumstances, I will show you empathy and leave you be, but you better call me the moment you feel up to talking to me. Okay?" she was already at the door waiting for my response. I smiled slightly, because my friend is such a beautiful woman. I loved everything about her; I just couldn't help but to smile every time I was in her presence. Sometimes I hated that she had that effect on me.

"Okay, I promise." We exchanged hugs and kisses on the cheek and she was gone. When I closed my front door my world started to shrink by the millisecond. I knew that it was taking all of me to keep my composure in front of Cassie, and I am glad she left when she did, because I couldn't hold it any longer. I broke down to my knees right in the foyer of my little two story red brick home. My heart was aching something terrible and I thought for a moment that I might be having a heart attack. I grabbed my chest as it tightened and I began to sweat profusely. At that point I didn't care if I died or not, so I didn't bother thinking about dialing 911. What was the point of me living? The love of my life was gone with no good reason at all. She was my everything and my life is nothing without her. No one would really care if I were to leave this earth today. My place in this world is non-existent. I literally felt my heart breaking in two as I crawled to my kitchen leaving a trail of my sweat and tears behind me. My daddy always told me as a beautiful young woman living alone, I should keep protection. So I kept crawling until I reached the drawer where I stored that source of protection. I felt around until my fingertips came into contact with the cold steel of a .38 Smith and Wesson.

I felt the sharp impression the handle of my bottom cabinet was making in the small of my back. I gripped the steel that was now in my lap. "How could she do this to me?!" I screamed out loud. "She will feel pain when she finds out that my brains are blown all over my kitchen floor because of her." I double checked to see if I actually had bullets to even prove this point I was determined to make. I think I saw one, but it's hard to tell with these tears blurring my vision. Fuck it. All signs say go. I thought about writing a note, but if I did, that would cause everyone to think I did it for attention. That is not the case, because this world is truly better off without me in it. I guess love won the war. My apologies go out to my best friend, my parents and to God, because I know this will indeed give me a one way ticket to hell. However, if that is where home is, then I am ready to reside.

I shivered at the feeling of the icy barrel against my temple. I shut my eyes tightly and fingered the trigger. I was getting ready to squeeze when I heard a bang on my front door, which scared the hell out of me. I slowly opened my eyes. "This is so not the time", I said. Apparently a person can't commit suicide in peace now days without interruption. I heard the bang again; only this time it was louder. The only reason I wanted to get the door is because I thought it might be Cassie coming back for something she'd forgotten. Being that she has the key and could just walk in; I didn't want her to catch me in the act, so I eased the gun back in the drawer and got up from the floor. I cut through the living room and glanced out the window for her car, but the shiny black cutlass supreme sitting in my driveway didn't belong to Cassie.

"Who is it?" I asked tip toeing up to the peephole. Oddly I didn't see anyone; neither did I get an answer. I opened the door and what was a sunny day, was now a dark and gloomy day. I felt a cold gust of wind enter into my home when she appeared. She was breath taking and seemed to make the world stop spinning with her smile.

"I'm sorry, I'm looking for Denise Washington. Is this her residence?" she asked with such politeness.

"I'm Denise Washington," finally regaining control over my vocal cords.

She took a few steps closer and extended her right hand toward me, "I do apologize for stopping by under such urgent circumstances, but I was referred to you by a friend of mine and I need to talk to you." Her hand was still hanging untouched in the air waiting for my acceptance.

I was dumbfounded when I finally grabbed her hand. With my line of work, I get these kinds of encounters all of the time, but never have any of my clients been as stunning as she. "What is your name"? I asked out of curiosity.

I felt her fingers tighten around my hand causing me to look directly into her sandy colored eyes. I suddenly became lost in some sort of trance when she whispered, "You can just call me Nikki."

Published by: T.Nicole © 2008

Nikki Part 1 - AGAIN

Okay, I know that Chinksz and Dreamy will be mad about me for this, but I have to do it. I need the motivation. I'm re-vamping The Nikki Memoirs. There may be a few changes, so read it again ladies. Don't bash me too hard, seriously. I'm going to finish it this time. So to those of you that are new to this blog, Welcome to The Nikki Memoirs. It's an online short story that I started, shit about a year ago now. I'm a slacker, and never finished it. So read it, hopefully it will keep you coming back for me. If I don't follow through, Jazmine Sullivan my ass, and bust the windows out my Chevy. I'll deserve it.

Nikki Part I

I knew that she needed me the moment I stepped foot into her life. She was a creature of a different species. Only one person could balance her the way that she needed. She needed a life saver, a confidence booster, an ego caresser, and that person was me. I was not meant to be in her life until the end of time. I didn’t know how long I was supposed to be visible to the eye, how long my footprints would stretch across her brain, or how long my scent would linger in her world. I was not in this for love and affection; I was in this as a simple favor. Instead of keeping me as just her cushion for comfort, she made me fall in love with her. Every time she sent me away packing, she drug me back into her life at her selfish convenience. When will my contract end? How long do I have to baby-sit her insecurities and hold her hand through everything she doesn’t want to walk through alone? I have to find a way to escape her grip. My duty calls elsewhere. I have another life to save.

For now I am here with her. Things have been pretty bumpy since we met. Our emotional love roller coaster is an unpredictable one. There are times when I am a part of her everyday routine. Not a night goes by that I am not in her arms. Then there are times when months can go by and she doesn’t think of me or let my name slip from her tongue. I am forgotten and I am not needed. Things are different with her. Normally when I am neglected, I don’t let it phase me, because I know that it comes along with the occupation description. This time I feel something. Could it be what they call jealousy? I know I’ve made many enemies that have wanted to gut me like a fish, because I felt these certain individuals were getting too close to her heart. All I do is laugh, because no harm can be done to something you can’t touch right? Ha; the jokes on them. I know it and she knows it. I am a skeleton in her closet that only comes out when the time is right.

“Who is she?” is what the outsiders ask time and time again. “When can I meet her?” is what they desire after my presence is accepted. "How come she is never around?” is what they wonder. So who am I? I am whatever the insiders want me to be. Just like everyone else, I have a story. It’s said that I grew up in a normal household. Raised by two loving parents with a healthy marriage. Daddy had more money than one could imagine and mama had more imagination than that one just mentioned. My life has been labeled as perfect; personality, body, face, career, salary, home and friends. I am perfect. I couldn’t mess up if I tried, because I am what they make me. My life is lived on strings and they are my puppet masters. My background only goes back so far, perhaps my next encounter will add on to my pencil written story. So many of my memories have been erased; from siblings, to pets, to lifestyles, to religions. Although I have been stable for the past three years, who knows when my strings will be snipped and I’ll have to hop in my cutlass supreme and drift into the next world.

There is just one thing stopping me. I have been trying to figure it out for quite some time now. I have been having this annoying thumping, burning and eerie feeling in my chest. It starts to hurt every time I think about leaving. The pain seems too much to bear. When I think of her leaving me, I get angry. I do things that I know aren’t right. My mind is telling me to go and that it has been time to go; for she is happy now. My job is done. But that thumper in my chest is telling me to stay and I will let all hell break loose if she tries to stray.

Oh, what’s my name? Well I’ve gone by many and have stolen the identities of plenty, but she calls me “Nikki”.

Published by: T.Nicole © 2008

Nikki Part IV

I knew people referred to the world as being a small one, but I didn’t think it was this damn small. I was well aware of what I was getting myself into when I entered the life of Ms. Denise Washington, but this was way more than I bargained for. I didn’t think she would be this beautiful. How could a person like her be so weak? She seems to have it all together on the outside; inside she was a complete mess. Sort of like what she made me out to be. Or more like what I made myself out to be on our first encounter. I had no idea how I would weasel my way into the head of a “head doctor”, but I found my way in when I found out her and Bobbie use to be such great friends.

Humph, Bobbie. She was quite the character. No wonder Denise stopped fooling with her trifling behind. I spent thirteen precious months with that basket case. She took me and everyone else in her life through a whirlwind. She didn’t know a good thing if it slapped her in the face. She used people non-stop and when someone finally came into her life and gave her a dose of her own medicine, she didn’t know how to handle it. That is why I stepped into the picture in the first place. She was about to break, because she was being stepped on. This man she called her husband used and abused her just like she had use and abused so many others throughout her life. She needed me just like all the rest did. I was eager to extend my helping hand, because in some pathetic way, I felt bad for Bobbie. She tried so hard to be this woman that she truly wasn’t. I was there to help her find that person inside of her. I was there to teach her ass a lesson once and for all.

Many sleepless nights came about, because she kept fighting me. She was a woman who was puffed up with pride and tried to push me away with every tactic that came to mind. But she soon realized that she couldn’t push me away. I was unstoppable. I was the elephant in her every room. As time went by, I knew she would soon accept things as they were and work with me instead of against me. Boy was I wrong. This bitch turned on me. She cried insane on me; placed us both in a white room with padded walls. This wasn’t what I signed up for. Something happened to me in that place. The woman I once was, was no more. She did not exist once the trial was over. She did not exist once the flames were put out. She did not exist after that casket was closed. Bobbie can be held accountable for all. I tried my best to be everything that she needed me to be. We made passionate love that was sure to ease her mind to the point where she forgot all else. I guess she was more hooked to that dick than I thought she was. Ha-ha, joke was on me. Or that is what she thought huh? No, not ever! The joke was on her!

I walked away from her with the explosions going off behind me. Now here I am. It looks as if I have found a new home. I have no worries of being caught, because as I’ve said before; I leave the scene with no fingerprints left behind. Bobbie indeed led me to Denise and that was the only thing the bitch was good for. The first task I must accomplish is teaching Ms. Washington how to keep her nose out of places it doesn’t belong. She’s too pretty to be on my bad side.

Nikki Part VIII

Nikki Part VIII

I couldn’t bear to tell my parents the entire story involving the chain of events that have been taking place for the past few weeks. I know how worried my mother can get and my dad will be in somebody’s prison trying to protect me. That’s the last thing I needed, so I told them that I just had a scare at my house and just needed to be close to them. Besides, I hadn’t seen them in quite some time. I have been so busy with my patients that I have been neglecting my poor parents. They seemed to have bought the story and didn’t say anymore about it for the rest of my unexpected trip.

I spent a few days with my parents until I decided it was time to bite the bullet and go back home. My secretary must have been going crazy, because I had 12 voicemails from her when I finally turned my phone back on. Now I felt bad for leaving her out on a limb like that. I have to do something nice for her once I got back.

The ride back wasn’t too bad; I prayed the entire way, and when I turned into my neighborhood my chest started to pound. I had a very funny feeling, but I took a deep breath and pulled into my driveway. Once I got inside everything looked the same way that I left it. I saw the light blinking on my answering machine out the corner of my eye as I was unpacking my suitcase. I glanced over and saw 12 messages. The same amount that was on my voicemail. I really didn’t want to listen to them, but my curiosity got the best of me and I pressed play.

“You have 12 new messages; first message recorded yesterday at 1:00 pm.”

“Niecey where are you? I haven’t heard from you in three days. This isn’t like you girl. I’ve called your cell phone a few times and it keeps going straight to voicemail. I hope you’re okay. Call me as soon as you get my messages.” That was Cassie and I could’ve sworn I called her the morning I arrived at my parent’s house. Why is she leaving another message?

“Second message recorded yesterday at 1:45 pm.”

“Baby girl your mother and I are worried about you. Your number keeps showing up on this here caller ID. You left in a bit of a hurry yesterday, call us soon baby. We love you and we are here if you need us.” What on earth is going on!? I just left my parent’s house. What is daddy talking about; yesterday? This does not make any sense. I sat down on the bed, because the room was beginning to spin. The next four messages were from my secretary. She sounded frantic on every one of them. Apparently Nikole Seasons has been calling the office for me every hour on the hour and is threatening her. What have I gotten myself into? I have heard of patients stalking their doctors, but this is a bit much. What does she want from me?

“Seventh message recorded yesterday at 2:12 pm.”

“Denise I need to talk to you. I am sorry for involving you; I just didn’t’ know what else to do. I needed to tell someone…” I have never heard this voice before. Who was that? I heard a bunch of rustling in the background and a loud pop. “I’m sorry Denise! I really am! Help me!” Now I knew that voice. That was Bobbie. I grabbed the phone and surfed through my caller ID to see what number she called me from. I recognized the first 6 number, but the last 6 were all from the same unknown number. I let the messages finish playing through and the next 4 messages was of the same loud pop I heard in the background of the message Bobbie left.

“Twelfth message recorded today at 2:12am.”

“Denise we need you. It’s time we all sat down and had a talk. Come to the Sunset Hotel; room 212. The door will be open.” Nikole Seasons is one person I could have gone through my entire life without meeting. I don’t know what this woman is all about, but if she wanted to talk, we could. I was ready to get down to the bottom of this and put it all behind me. I hate when my life is interrupted and now I’m pissed off.


I sped through the city and finally arrived at the Sunset Hotel. I can remember coming here a long time ago with Kelli when we first started dating. We use to have our weekend get-away here once a month. At this moment in my life I really missed her. I needed her shoulder to cry on and I needed to feel her arms around me for security. I have no idea what is happening to me, but I know that if she were here everything would be alright. I yearned for one more get-away with her, one more glass of Champaign, one more hour in the hot tub, one more kiss, and one more spine tingling orgasm; all of which use to happen right in this very Hotel.

I escaped my miserable trip down memory lane and got out of the car. As I entered the revolving doors of the Hotel, the fresh smell of pastries hit my nose. The aroma was coming from the bakery right off the lobby. Usually there were people scattered around, but there was no one in sight. I headed toward the elevators and I heard the gentleman at the front desk, “Welcome back Ms. Seasons.”

I stopped dead in my tracks. “What did you just call me?” I asked.

“Ms. Seasons?” he said looking confused.

“My name is not Ms. Seasons.” I said with a slight attitude. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Okay ma’am. I thought you were Ms. Seasons in room 212. You are the spitting image of her. You even have on the same outfit. I do apologize ma’am.” He nervously said. At this point I rushed past the elevators and to the stairs. I ran up to the second floor and took off down the hallway. I abruptly stopped when I reached room 212. The door was ajar and I slowly pushed it open. I heard sobbing noises as I walked in. I saw Nikki sitting on the end of the bed attempting to dry the ever flowing tears draining from her eyes. The front desk attendant was right; we did have on the exact same outfit.

“Nikki what is going on and where is Bobbie?” she started to sob harder and she fell from the bed to her knees. “Nikki, I need to know where Bobbie is and what the fuck is going on! Who are you?!” I yelled. I was losing my cool and that was something I never do. I kneeled down on the floor and grabbed her by the shoulders until she looked me dead in the eye. I repeated my question again, “Nikki, where is Bobbie?”

She looked at me with an enormous amount of sorrow in her eyes and said, “I am Bobbie.”

Nikki Part VII

I’m really starting to feel funny. I can’t ever remember feeling like this. Today when I woke up and saw Bobbie lying next to me, this weird feeling came over my body. I tried looking into the future and couldn’t see her in it. I don’t like the thought of this. She looks so peaceful and pretty soon she won’t need me anymore. I am not ready to leave yet. I’m not too sure if I ever want to leave. Bobbie has been a special case for me. I have never cared for a person as much as I care for her. She’s like a delicate flower and one must handle her with care. I have guarded her heart and held her under my wing for safety; only to have her eventually push me out of her life. What is happening? The walls are starting to bleed red and suddenly I feel hot. I jump out of bed and she jerks awake. “What’s wrong baby?” she wiped the sleep out of her eyes adjusting to the shock of being suddenly wakened.

How do I answer this question? What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so strong and have the urge to break something? This is scaring me. I run to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I glance in the mirror and I don’t see myself. Who is this woman staring back at me? My soft angelic face is gone. My lips are so tight that I couldn’t push a smile through them if I tried. My eyes aren’t even the same color. I hear Bobbie’s phone go off right on the other side of the bathroom door. I already know who it is. I know it’s him. He is like an annoying mosquito that won’t go away. I want to squish him between my fingers until I see the blood of his victims leak out. I look in the mirror again at this stranger. She’s not bad looking. I’ve always been beautiful, but this woman has a different demeanor about her. I curve my lips into a smirk. Yeah she’s a bad bitch; I could get use to her.

I turned the faucet off and headed back into the bedroom. I am sick of this hotel room. I am sick of being hid in the shadows while he hogs the spotlight. “I can’t talk right now Derek, I’m in church.” She said in a low whisper. The lies keep coming every day a mile a minute. When will they stop? Do I just continue to sit back and let this happen? I’m supposed to right? I mean after-all I have a specific role in this woman’s life and I have a goal that must be reached. After that is done; we’re done. I grit my teeth at the thought of this. What does she see in him anyway? Sure, I’ll give props where props are due; he is a very handsome man. He is a deadbeat though. He uses Bobbie for all she has, and let him tell it; she doesn’t have much. I make up in all areas where this bitch lacks. I always do. So why is she still sucking this nigga’s dick? “I will call you when I am on my way home okay?” she awaited his response while looking at me. “I love you too.” I rolled my eyes.

“It’s time to go Bobbie, pack your shit so you can go back home.” I said rudely as I made my side of the bed. I jerked the pillow from underneath her and she fell over. I wanted to laugh, but this wasn’t the time for jokes.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she asked with an attitude. This is something that we have gone over a few times before. I know she is not use to me getting upset about our secret relationship. Lately it’s just been taking its toll on me and I’m tired of it. “How many times do we have to go through this? He is my husband Nikki, and despite what we have; I’m not ready to reveal anything like this to anybody, let alone him.” She got off the bed and headed to the bathroom. “I thought we had this understood almost a year ago when we met. Was I wrong?” I know she wasn’t asking me that dumb ass question. Of course I know the understanding that we had. I know the understanding that I had with everyone I encountered. Was she serious?

I watched her naked body standing in front of the mirror. I have never seen a woman so meticulously sculpted. I remember thinking this same thought the very first time I laid eyes on her. I remember the night of the first time we made love; the sultry sound of her voice when she whispered the freaky things she wanted to do to me in my ear. The she made her next move her best move and chose me to be with. She appointed me as the one to ease her troubles away. We spent every moment we could together. I was her superwoman and she told me she loved me with a passion. So why is she still trapped behind the bars of her marriage? I shook my head of these thoughts, because I really wanted to get her out of my sight to be honest. “Just get ready Bobbie so we can go. Trust me when I say, this will never be brought up again.” We both finished getting ready and we checked out of our room; room 212.

I sat back for a damn year, watched and participated in those charades for too long. I was taught never to quit, and I really wanted to let Bobbie go and be miserable with her husband. I couldn’t give up though. I had to finish what I started. She has been drug in the ground by this man for fourteen years. She obviously wasn’t going to handle matters on her own, so she needed my help. It has been said before that you can’t help the helpless and you can’t rescue those who don’t want to be rescued. Misery loves company and that bitch was one hell of a hostess. To add to the bullshit cliché’s; if you can’t beat them, join them. This woman changed me and re-wrote my entire resume. Instead of saving her like I started out to do, I let her continue to be beaten every night by him. We kept up our normal routine and our regular visits to room 212. I love that number! 212 was the number found on the key that I purposely planted in Bobbie and her husband’s home. When he found out she was having an affair with an unknown person, he knocked two of her teeth out and punched her in the face twelve times. It wasn’t until he ran over her with his truck that she was left in a coma. She rested in St. John’s hospital, room 212. Derek fled the state, but was later found with two bullet holes to the head and twelve stab wounds to the chest. His body was flown back to his hometown where he was buried in Memorial Cemetery; row two, slot twelve. Bobbie was finally free of that filth she was with. When she came out of her coma, she lost her mind when she found out that her husband had been killed. What a dumb bitch! This man almost killed her and she was still crying over him. I guess her compunctious feelings got the best of her. So, instead of recovering, she went in a downward spiral until she was locked in an insane asylum; room 212.

The unfortunate series of events people bring on themselves. If only she would have loved me like she said she did. Let go of all else and let me handle everything. She could have been sitting pretty right now. She doesn’t have to be laying here in my arms like this. She looks so peaceful. I could look at her forever. I just might do that, hell, who is going to stop me? As I said, I’m unstoppable. I sat back rocking her in my arms; my delicate flower. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand. Guess what time it is? 2:12 a.m…

Nikki Part VI

Red and blue lights filled my living room from the squad cars swarmed in front of my house. I sat there staring at that tan tote bag I laid on my kitchen counter when I retrieved it from outside my backdoor. I was so lost and confused in my own thoughts that I was not listening to a word that was coming out of the young police woman’s mouth. “Ma’am, did you see anybody on the deck or in the backyard?” I slowly looked in the police woman’s eyes for the first time. She had been there for about fifteen minutes and I hadn’t seen what she looked like until then. She stood there with a look of concern on her face and a note pad in her hand. “Ms. Washington, are you okay?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m fine. No, I didn’t see anyone outside. It was pitch black.” I said.

“You didn’t turn your deck light on?” She asked raising one eyebrow.

I thought for a brief moment. I do remember turning on the light when I checked to see if the door was locked. “Oh my God.” I rubbed the back of my neck. I do this when I am worrying or deeply stressed about something. “I know for a fact I turned on that light and locked my back door. It’s like a nightly ritual I go through. I never forget to do those things.” I said, hoping to convince the officer that I wasn’t losing my mind.


“The perimeter is secure!” a tall lean police officer said coming from the bedroom. I really don’t know why he was back there, nobody came in the house. I suppose that was just part of his job. I am just glad the police responded so promptly. Had I been in the hood, I would’ve been dead by now.

“Ms. Washington, would you like a squad car to stay parked outside of your home for security?” The police woman asked.

“No, no I believe I’ll be fine. I’m just a little shaken up from the shock. I really do appreciate you all responding to quickly.” I gave them all a half smile and started walking toward the front door. I really just wanted to go to sleep. All three officers headed out the door. I know the neighbors are going to love this. Not one, two, but three cap cars lighting up the block at the only black woman’s home in the subdivision. “Thank you again officers,” I closed the door and checked the lock a billion times. As I was walking toward the back door I noticed that one of the officers had swept up the glass I broke when the alarm sounded off. That was sweet of them, because Lord knows I didn’t feel like doing that tonight. I had a funny feeling in my gut as I approached he back door. It was locked for sure. I tried to switch on the light, but for some strange reason it didn’t come on. I know that I just changed the bulb two days ago. Maybe I am just really tripping. Perhaps I pop too many Tylenol P.Ms every night. I took the tan tote bag off the counter top and opened it. It felt like it was empty, but there was a single piece of paper inside. It was a receipt from Toni’s Bar and Grill; the place where Bobbi and I had lunch a couple weeks ago. I looked over the items on the list. It was the exact same thing that she had when we were there; a pulled pork sandwich, wedge potatoes fries and a raspberry iced tea.

I decided to call Bobbie and get to the bottom of this. This is some shit that I’d rather not be going through right now, and I was going to end it. I hit redial on the phone, because she was the last person who I dialed before this insanity took place. There were a couple of rings and the line was picked up. “Hello Denise.” I wanted to speak, but no words would come out of my mouth. That was not Bobbie’s voice. I quickly hung up the phone. I knew that voice. It was a voice that was becoming more and more familiar to me; the voice of Nikole Seasons. What the fuck is going on! I dialed Bobbie’s number manually this time. “The number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and dial again,” said the voice on the other end. I just called this girl. How in the world was her phone disconnected that fast?


That was the last straw. I ran to my closet, grabbed my emergency suitcase, my keys and my cell phone. I set the alarm and hit the front door. You don’t have to tell me twice when it’s time to get the hell out of dodge. I decided I was going to hit the highway and make that 3 hour drive to my parent’s house. The comfort of my parents could cure cancer. I had a full tank of gas so I had no need to make any stops. I called my office and left a message for my secretary and told her to cancel all appointments for the next week.

I made it to my parent’s town around 4:00 that morning. I felt bad because I knew they would be sleeping. I had a spare key to their house, so I quietly entered. I tip toed to their bedroom and I heard both of them snoring. I didn’t even want to go up to my old room. I went straight to the linen closet, got a blanket and made a pallet right there on the floor at the foot of their bed. I felt better already being in their presence. I let the soft sounds of their snoring eventually drift off to sleep.


“Wake up baby girl.” I heard my dad’s voice as he lightly shook me. I slowly got up. “When did you get here?” He asked obviously surprised.

“Hey daddy, I got here early this morning. I am sorry I didn’t call ahead of time, but I needed to see you guys.”

“Hey baby! She’s awake.” He called out to my mama. She came running in the room. “What’s wrong sugar? Everythang alright back at home?” I knew he was worried about me. I looked up at mama; they both were.

“No daddy. Some crazy things have been going on. I’ll explain in a little bit. I am hungry though. Let’s go get some breakfast; my treat.” I said getting up about to head to the bathroom to freshen up.

“That sounds good to me, but before we head out. Somebody has been calling the house for the past two hours asking for you.” Mama said.

“Who is it? Is it Cassie?” I just remembered I hadn’t told her I was coming out here either. She was probably worried, since I haven’t called her like I do every morning.

“No, no it wasn’t Cassie. It was…hold on. I wrote it down on a piece of paper. You know my memory slips me something bad child.” She went into the kitchen to retrieve her note. “It was some child by the name of Nikki…”

Nikki Part V

Oh how I hate Monday mornings, but I am up anyway thanking God that I am able to live another day nonetheless. These past couple of weeks has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I have been trying my hardest to keep myself occupied and buried in my work so that I won’t think about Kelli. I have received many calls from her telling me how much she misses me and how sorry she was about everything. I refuse to give into that nonsense. I have come to realize that the relationship in which we had ran its course and now that it’s over, there should be no looking back. I know I am weak for this woman still, but I have played the role of a fool for as long as I can remember. How can she expect to leave me for some tramp, have her fun and then attempt to walk back into my life? I don’t think so.

Besides the idiotic behavior of my ex, I have been trying my best to get in touch with Bobbie again. Her antics on our last encounter really worried me. I told Cassie about the situation and I honestly don’t know why I even talk to that girl. She is of no help at all.

“Bobbie is crazy anyway, just like all those other loony tunes you waste your time on!” she said sipping her iced coffee. We just had a long day of shopping and decided to stop in the book store for awhile.

“Please stop referring to my patients as loony tunes. And I don’t think doing my job is a waste of time. It’s called a career. You should try getting one, instead of bad mouthing mine.” I retorted rolling my eyes. Sometimes I could not stand her ass. She is a woman with no tact what so ever. I often envision grabbing the nearest object and smacking her upside the head.

“Whatever. Living my life is my career. I am not going to be trapped in the prison of what you call education for 15 years just to work for someone else.” This is coming from a woman that ironically has a Masters degree and is doing absolutely nothing with it. “I am happy working for myself and I didn’t need anyone to get me where I am today.” She hissed at me.

I really wasn’t in the mood to entertain her madness today. “Anyway Cassandra, do you think I should refer this Nikki woman to another colleague? I mean I feel a conflict of interest evolving you know?” I asked quickly changing the subject.

“I think you should at least get the down low on it all first. You can’t assume anything until you find out exactly what is going on. Or in this case, what exactly went on. Besides, I want to know damnit!” I knew she had ulterior motives for that response. “You better not dismiss that woman before we get the scoop.” I thought it over for a few moments and decided to continue with our sessions. I also decided I would try to give Bobbie a call one last time. Not just to probe for information, but because I honestly was concerned about my old friend.

Cassie and I finished up our shopping day and I was pooped. She had to go pick up my God-daughter from her Grandma’s house anyway, so we parted ways late that evening. When I got home I ran myself a hot bubble bath to soak in. My bones were aching from walking all day. I definitely couldn’t stroll through a mall in heels for hours on end like I use to. The water feels heavenly when its warmth caresses my skin. I drifted into my own fantasy world when I remembered that I had a call to make.

For some reason I was nervous and I felt the butterflies dancing around in my stomach when I picked up my cordless phone on the side of the bathtub. I dialed Bobbie’s number cowardly hoping to get her answering machine. I released a heavy sign when she picked up on the fourth ring, “Hello?”

“Hello Bobbie, this is Denise. How are you doing?” I nervously asked. There was a pregnant pause and for some reason I felt she might hang up on me, but she didn’t.

“Hi Denise, I am doing well. How are you doing?” She hesitantly responded.

“I am doing okay. I am glad to hear you’re doing well Bobbie. You have been on my mind since our last lunch date. I was wondering if I said something wrong to run you off like that. I sincerely apologize if I did. Have you gotten my messages?” I asked.

“Yes, I got them. You didn’t say anything wrong. You just ruffled some feathers from the past. You know how that goes. So how do you know Nikole?” she asked.

I am glad she jumped right into the conversation, because I honestly didn’t know how I was going to work that topic in there. Then I thought about it. When I first met Nikki, she said that Bobbie had referred her to me. That’s odd. Completely puzzled, I said, “She came by my house in the case of an emergency and said that she was referred to me by you.”

More silence. “Did she?”

I don’t think she expected an answer to that question. “So I guess I should be asking how you know her.” I had a bad vibe about this situation. I never had this feeling while talking to Bobbie. The hot water in my bath suddenly turned cold and gave me the shivers.

“There is a lot that has happened over the past year Denise. I was in the hospital after being severely beaten by my husband at the time and I met Nikole there.”

“Oh my goodness! I had no idea Bobbie! I knew you never returned any of my calls, but I thought you were just busy. Is this ex husband of yours in jail? He is your ex right?” I had to ask, because oddly enough even after being severely beaten, some women still stay with those losers. I am just glad she is okay, because there are some women who also don’t live to retell the story.

“He’s dead. I actually have Nikole to thank for getting me through that period of my life. I also have to thank her for taking me through an even worse time.” Her tone changed quickly. It seems like every time she said that name, I could hear teeth grinding through the phone. “I don’t know what business you have with her Denise, but you need to push her out as soon as you can.”

“Why is that? She happens to be one of my patients now. The day she came to my home she said she urgently needed some help and I have been providing that for her.” I said in her defense.

“You don’t know what she is capable of!” she yelled. “I am sorry for yelling, but I don’t want you to end up like I did.” She was actually starting to scare me. What the hell is with this woman? She seems normal outside of her life’s problems that could happen to any of us. “I have to go Denise, but please listen to me. Whatever is going on in your life, try to get through it by yourself!”

“How could you possibly…” I heard the dial tone in my ear. How did she know I was going through anything in my life? This was all getting a little too weird for me. That was definitely not the same Bobbie that I was use to. Something terrible happened to her, and it’s going to be harder than I thought to find out what that is.

I got out of the tub and dried off. I rubbed myself down with baby lotion and slipped into my blue silk robe. I went into the kitchen to down a couple of Tylenol P.Ms. My head was now pounding from all the confusion. I grabbed a class from the cabinet. My security alarm pierced my ears and the glass in my hand dropped to the floor and shattered at my feet. My phone rang which made my heart skip another beat. I carefully dodged the glass on the floor and picked up the phone.

“Is everything okay?” It was the security company.

“I don’t know, the alarm just went off while I was standing here in the kitchen.” I said, looking around the house. I walked towards the back door and saw it was half way open. “My back door is open! I know I didn’t leave it open, because I actually checked the lock before I set the alarm.”

“Ma’am the police are in route to your home. Would you like me to stay on the phone with you until they arrive?” I heard the man ask me. I was too shocked when I saw a tan tote bag lying on the outside of the door. The same tote bag Bobbie carried with her the last time I saw her.

Nikki Part III

It had been three weeks since I planned to take my life and Nikole Seasons, who calls herself Nikki, indirectly saved me from doing so. Come to find out she came to me by way of my old college roommate, Bobbie Kees. I have received many referrals from tons of clients, family members, and friends, but none of them can hold a candle to Nikole Seasons. She is absolutely flawless; standing about 5 feet 9 inches, golden caramel complexion, tight oval shaped eyes, full luscious lips with perfect teeth to match. She was gorgeous on the outside; with a body that could bring any woman or man to their knees. However, on the inside there seemed to be a million volcanoes erupting all at once. Let’s face it, she is a mess! The day she showed up on my doorstep she ended up staying for three hours. She totally helped me escape my own issues. Usually in cases of emergencies I charge double by the hour, but I couldn’t convince myself to take her money even if I wanted to. I was for sure in no need of it. I had been blessed to be named the top psychologist with the most clients in my office. So having one case on the house was no problem.

It took her quite some time to warm up to me, and that is quite understandable, because I was a complete stranger. Here she was in my living room attempting to empty her mental space and place it in my hands. I told her to take her time and only share as much information with me that she felt comfortable to. There were a few moments of silence and during these times I took the time to look at her. She was indeed a well groomed woman; youthful with a sense of elegance that I hadn’t encountered before. There was no doubt that his woman took pride in herself and her appearance. I have known women like this to be someone who uses their physical beauty to cover up the mental bruises they portray. All those insecurities that lie within them. I could not help but to wonder would she be just like the rest of those women as I sate there tracing the frame of her perfectly sculptured body.

“I know you must think I’m crazy and I sincerely want to extend my apologies once again for showing up on such short notice.” She said with her eyes plastered to the pants of her white business suit. She looked up at me with such remorse and my heart instantly went out to her. “It’s just that lately I have been struggling with so many emotions that I knew if I didn’t talk to someone soon I would completely lose it.”

“Well, I am glad that you decided to speak to someone. Most people don’t recognize the dangers of stress and don’t act on their problems until something traumatic occurs. So kudos to you for that.” I sate there feeling so unprepared. I know I should have had my legal pad and recorder in front of me, but I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable than she already was. I would have to wing this one and depend on my memory alone. “So what exactly have you been struggling with lately Nikole? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh Dr. Washington! My life has made a complete 360 in the past two months. Things weren’t perfect, but they were manageable. I had a wonderful career, a healthy bank account, a loving family, great friends, and the world was at my fingertips. I did not break when I lost the biggest case of my career. I didn’t break when my house burned down with everything that I owned inside. I didn’t break when my childhood friend of 31 years sexually assaulted and raped me. I didn’t break when I found out I was pregnant with his child. It wasn’t until my other half, my sanity, my identical twin took her life.” Tears were streaming down her face by this time. I felt a lump in my throat as well, because this was a ton of misery for just one person to take on.

I walked over to my fireplace and grabbed the box of Kleenex and handed them to her. “I can see how all of this would break you Nikole. I honestly wouldn’t know how to handle so much at one time myself. You prove to be a very strong woman.”

“I was raised to be strong and to never let anything or anyone cause me to fall on my face. I was taught that every hurdle can be jumped no matter how high. But when I walked into my sister’s condo and saw her hanging from the banister of her staircase, I fell flat on my face.” She wiped her nose and dried her face. “I lost it that day. And the world that I once had, ended.”

“I know that you mentioned you and your sister were close. Were you aware of any problems that she might’ve had that would make her take her life?” I asked, as I sat there marinating in my own guilt. I felt so selfish and horrible for what I was about to do one second before this woman knocked on my door. I sat there looking at how miserable she was. Look at how much sorrow was in her life now that her sister was gone. I couldn’t imagine taking my best friend and family through this type of pain.

“She was a free spirit. She lived her life on the edge and this was something that I was always envious of. I was the one who always had to have such a structured life and I worried about everything. She spent most of her days trying to get me to loosen up. That’s why I don’t understand why she would kill herself!” she laid her head on the back of my couch and stared at the ceiling for quite some time. I wanted to interject, but I decided against it. “Her and my parents didn’t get along. She always jokingly said that if she were to die, they wouldn’t care, because all they cared about was me anyway. I never took her seriously on this matter, because mom and dad loved her.”

“How do your parents feel now? What were their conditions after the…funeral?” Speaking of death with my clients was something that I wasn’t comfortable with. I was trained not to hesitate in any of my words and deliverance when dealing with clients, but sometimes it is hard. I took a deep breath and awaited her response.

“Well my mother was a wreck. I knew it was more guilt than anything. My dad didn’t show much emotion. He didn’t cry at her funeral, but when he speaks of her now the sorrow in which he feels seeps through his pores. I know they both feel bad for the relationship that they chose to have or not have with her, but now it’s too late.” She rubbed her stomach. “It’s too late for a lot of things…”

“Lots of things like what?” I asked.

“Once I finally came to grips with the fact that I had life growing inside of me, it was too late.” She started to cry again. “I hated that life at first. I selfishly only thought about me and I just knew that my career would be jeopardized because of this “curse” that was placed inside of me.” She shook her head back and forth. “He showed me. God has made me pay for my thoughts. He allowed me to grow to love the child within me and then He took it away from me!”

“Did you miscarriage?” I asked.

“Yes.” She said with a light chuckle. She dabbed her eyes dry again. “And here I was so worried about the baby ruining my career and I lost the biggest case of my career on my own!” She looked back up to the ceiling and yelled, “I hear you loud and clear! I get it!”

“Nikole, I don’t know if you are a religious woman, but I must say that I don’t believe God does anything to purposely hurt us. Things happen in our lives that are meant to teach us a lesson, but Satan is the cause of all evil. I don’t think that God took the lives of your sister and your unborn child.” I hope that I didn’t overstep the code of ethics by dabbling too much into the whole religion thing.

“Maybe you’re right. Perhaps all of this was just mapped into my life’s timeline and design. Who knows? I just want to know how the hell am I going to get through this one with all my marbles still accounted for, you know?” She rhetorically asked.

“Yes, I know. Like I said earlier, it is quite apparent that you are a very strong woman with a great deal of common sense. I know that this is indeed a very high hurdle to jump and I am here to help you whenever you need it. Don’t hesitate to call me when you feel the need to. Besides, any friend of Bobbi’s is a friend of mine”, I smiled at her hoping to bring some light into her world as impossible as I thought it was at the moment.

To my surprise she smiled back. “I do thank you again Dr. Washington for allowing me into your home and listening to me spill my guts.” She laughed. “I don’t want this to be the last time that we speak and I know that I will need more than just this one session.” She reached into her purse and handed me her business card. “Please give me a call at my office so that we can set up something more legit and professional so to speak. I know your services aren’t free. In fact, here you go.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. “Please take this, because I can’t leave here without paying you for just listening to me. You have no idea how much was lifted off of me just venting out to you.”

I pushed her hand away. “I will not accept your monies Nikole. You came here on behalf of a very dear friend of mine. I couldn’t possibly charge you for this. Let’s just consider this one on the house.” I winked as I got up from my love seat. “We will indeed set up regular appointments for you to attend at my office. Then I’ll have to take your money,” I laughed. We both headed for the door. “Well thank you for allowing me to listen to you today Nikole, and please expect my call sometime tomorrow afternoon.” I said opening the front door so she could depart.

“Please call me Nikki, Dr. Washington. I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” She said walking out into the darkness of the night to her car.

I did call her the next day to set up our first appointment which is scheduled for today. I got in touch with Bobbie a couple days after my first encounter with Nikki. Now that she and I are well off into our separate lives and careers we don’t have much time for one another now days. Every blue moon we get together for lunch just to catch up on times that have slipped by us. It is always an enjoyable occasion and a pleasure to see how successful my friend has become. However, this last occasion was quite different. Everything was going well until I mentioned her name. The name of the woman who seems to become more and more mysterious with every thought that she steals in my mind. When I spoke the name of Nikole Seasons you would’ve thought Bobbie had seen a ghost. Needless to say our lunch date was cut short that day. I am curious to know why and I will find out sooner than later.

Nikki Part II

Why can't things ever go my way when it comes to love? Why can't I meet the perfect woman for me? Who am I fooling? I realize that nobody is perfect, but damn for the past ten years of my life I have been striking out big time when it comes to the so called department of love. I have been walked on, spit on, cheated on, and taken full advantage of; I am truly sick of it. Am I under some type of evil curse? I know that I'm not an easy woman to get along with, but give me a break! Somebody is bound to be out there that knows how to handle a woman like me. I thought I found her, especially after I gave her the best part of me; which was my everything!

"Don't worry yourself to death about this Denise. You are much too strong of a woman to be sulking behind some lost love". This, coming from the mouth of my best friend of twelve years. Cassandra has been in my corner through thick and thin. Every good and bad point in my life, she was there. So her opinion is one that I value very deeply, but she was also the most cynical person I knew as well. She has never been in love unconditionally. So her opinion on this matter was biased. "Why are people so hung up on love anyway?" she asked. "I mean, if you ask me, love highly overrated. My heart is much too valuable to be giving it away all willy nilly"! she exclaimed.

"Cassie please! This is not what I need right now. I really just want to be depressed in peace. I gave this woman the past seven years of my life and for her to just walk away as if I were nothing makes me feel like crap. So if you'll excuse me, I need to be alone." I said, attempting to give her an invitation out of my house. When she found out that Kelli had left me earlier that day, she hurried to be by my side, equipped with cheesecake and a big tub of French vanilla Blue Bell ice cream. Whenever we suffer from any type of heartache, we retreat to our Golden Girl therapy session. Cassie truly did know how to cheer me up and I appreciate all of her attempts today, but it's just not working this time. Stick a fork in me, because Denise Washington is finally done.

"So you're kicking me out?" she asked obviously catching on to my hint.

"Yeah girl I'm sorry, but I'm just not in the mood to talk anymore." I said getting up from my favorite cream colored recliner.

"Well due to the circumstances, I will show you empathy and leave you be, but you better call me the moment you feel up to talking to me. Okay?" she was already at the door waiting for my response. I smiled slightly, because my friend is such a beautiful woman. I loved everything about her; I just couldn't help but to smile every time I was in her presence. Sometimes I hated that she had that effect on me.

"Okay, I promise." We exchanged hugs and kisses on the cheek and she was gone. When I closed my front door my world started to shrink by the millisecond. I knew that it was taking all of me to keep my composure in front of Cassie, and I am glad she left when she did, because I couldn't hold it any longer. I broke down to my knees right in the foyer of my little two story red brick home. My heart was aching something terrible and I thought for a moment that I might be having a heart attack. I grabbed my chest as it tightened and I began to sweat profusely. At that point I didn't care if I died or not, so I didn't bother thinking about dialing 911. What was the point of me living? The love of my life was gone with no good reason at all. She was my everything and my life is nothing without her. No one would really care if I were to leave this earth today. My place in this world is non-existent. I literally felt my heart breaking in two as I crawled to my kitchen leaving a trail of my sweat and tears behind me. My daddy always told me as a beautiful young woman living alone, I should keep protection. So I kept crawling until I reached the drawer where I stored that source of protection. I felt around until my fingertips came into contact with the cold steel of a .38 Smith and Wesson.

I felt the sharp impression the handle of my bottom cabinet was making in the small of my back. I gripped the steel that was now in my lap. "How could she do this to me?!" I screamed out loud. "She will feel pain when she finds out that my brains are blown all over my kitchen floor because of her." I double checked to see if I actually had bullets to even prove this point I was determined to make. I think I saw one, but it's hard to tell with these tears blurring my vision. Fuck it. All signs say go. I thought about writing a note, but if I did, that would cause everyone to think I did it for attention. That is not the case, because this world is truly better off without me in it. I guess love won the war. My apologies go out to my best friend, my parents and to God, because I know this will indeed give me a one way ticket to hell. However, if that is where home is, then I am ready to reside.

I shivered at the feeling of the icy barrel against my temple. I shut my eyes tightly and fingered the trigger. I was getting ready to squeeze when I heard a bang on my front door, which scared the hell out of me. I slowly opened my eyes. "This is so not the time", I said. Apparently a person can't commit suicide in peace now days without interruption. I heard the bang again; only this time it was louder. The only reason I wanted to get the door is because I thought it might be Cassie coming back for something she'd forgotten. Being that she has the key and could just walk in; I didn't want her to catch me in the act, so I eased the gun back in the drawer and got up from the floor. I cut through the living room and glanced out the window for her car, but the shiny black cutlass supreme sitting in my driveway didn't belong to Cassie.

"Who is it?" I asked tip toeing up to the peephole. Oddly I didn't see anyone; neither did I get an answer. I opened the door and what was a sunny day, was now a dark and gloomy day. I felt a cold gust of wind enter into my home when she appeared. She was breath taking and seemed to make the world stop spinning with her smile.

"I'm sorry, I'm looking for Denise Washington. Is this her residence?" she asked with such politeness.

"I'm Denise Washington," finally regaining control over my vocal cords.

She took a few steps closer and extended her right hand toward me, "I do apologize for stopping by under such urgent circumstances, but I was referred to you by a friend of mine and I need to talk to you." Her hand was still hanging untouched in the air waiting for my acceptance.

I was dumbfounded when I finally grabbed her hand. With my line of work, I get these kinds of encounters all of the time, but never have any of my clients been as stunning as she. "What is your name"? I asked out of curiosity.

I felt her fingers tighten around my hand causing me to look directly into her sandy colored eyes. I suddenly became lost in some sort of trance when she whispered, "You can just call me Nikki."

Nikki Part I

I knew that she needed me the moment I stepped foot into her life. She was a creature of a different species. Only one person could balance her the way that she needed. She needed a life saver, a confidence booster, an ego caresser, and that person was me. I was not meant to be in her life until the end of time. I didn’t know how long I was supposed to be visible to the eye, how long my footprints would stretch across her brain, or how long my scent would linger in her world. I was not in this for love and affection; I was in this as a simple favor. Instead of keeping me as just her cushion for comfort, she made me fall in love with her. Every time she sent me away packing, she drug me back into her life at her selfish convenience. When will my contract end? How long do I have to baby-sit her insecurities and hold her hand through everything she doesn’t want to walk through alone? I have to find a way to escape her grip. My duty calls elsewhere. I have another life to save.

For now I am here with her. Things have been pretty bumpy since we met. Our emotional love rollercoaster is an unpredictable one. There are times when I am a part of her everyday routine. Not a night goes by that I am not in her arms. Then there are times when months can go by and she doesn’t think of me or let my name slip from her tongue. I am forgotten and I am not needed. Things are different with her. Normally when I am neglected, I don’t let it phase me, because I know that it comes along with the occupation description. This time I feel something. Could it be what they call jealousy? I know I’ve made many enemies that have wanted to gut me like a fish, because I felt these certain individuals were getting too close to her heart. All I do is laugh, because no harm can be done to something you can’t touch right? Ha; the jokes on them. I know it and she knows it. I am a skeleton in her closet that only comes out when the time is right.

“Who is she?” is what the outsiders ask time and time again. “When can I meet her?” is what they desire after my presence is accepted. "How come she is never around?” is what they wonder. So who am I? I am whatever the insiders want me to be. Just like everyone else, I have a story. It’s said that I grew up in a normal household. Raised by two loving parents with a healthy marriage. Daddy had more money than one could imagine and mama had more imagination than that one just mentioned. My life has been labeled as perfect; personality, body, face, career, salary, home and friends. I am perfect. I couldn’t mess up if I tried, because I am what they make me. My life is lived on strings and they are my puppet masters. My background only goes back so far, perhaps my next encounter will add on to my pencil written story. So many of my memories have been erased; from siblings, to pets, to lifestyles, to religions. Although I have been stable for the past three years, who knows when my strings will be snipped and I’ll have to hop in my cutlass supreme and drift into the next world.

There is just one thing stopping me. I have been trying to figure it out for quite some time now. I have been having this annoying thumping, burning and eerie feeling in my chest. It starts to hurt every time I think about leaving. The pain seems too much to bear. When I think of her leaving me, I get angry. I do things that I know aren’t right. My mind is telling me to go and that it has been time to go; for she is happy now. My job is done. But that thumper in my chest is telling me to stay and I will let all hell break loose if she tries to stray.

Oh, what’s my name? Well I’ve gone by many and have stolen the identities of plenty, but she calls me “Nikki”.

Published by: W0rd Hustlin' Inc © 2007-2008