Face 2 Face

I hope everyone had an excellent weekend. My weekend went rather well. I had yet another blast from the past pop up on me this weekend. I've written about her before, and I've also written her off on numerous occasions as well. I guess just like with everyone else; my main issue with her was trust. It's no secret that I have trust issues; due to being burned severely in my own past. I can't seem to shake the fear when it comes to that either. But then again, every time I turn around people are lying. Lying for no good reason at all. That's a whole different story though.


Anyway, Champ popped back up this weekend out of the blue. I had drifted completely away from her due to irreconcilable differences and distance. That was a very unique situation. We had never met before and we split before any plans were pushed through on meeting. She told me that she was moving to Houston this summer before we stopped speaking, but due to her track record; I just didn't believe her. This weekend she said that she had a few bad dreams about me, and felt it was a sign to give me a call. We talked for along time. She said that she had been in Houston for about a month already. She told me the area that she lived in; which sounded sort of believable. However, after so many issues in the past; I have to see it to believe it. I mean anybody can Google Houston and learn the city, loll. But I hope she wouldn't go that far. I just don’t put anything past anyone. Fucked up things happen to me, so I'm definitely not crossing that one off the list of possibilities, loll.


Supposedly, RIGHT after her and I stopped speaking she up and got a new girlfriend and moved to Houston with her. That's weird, but none of my business nonetheless. It's just something else to raise the red flag on though. It's been so many things about Champ that I've just had to shake off and NOT be concerned with. Because, if I did try to figure it out; I'd have a head full of grey hair by now. Just don’t have time to solve the riddles. My whole thing is now; if she's in Houston, I'd like to meet her. Perhaps my unanswered questions will all be answered with one look in the eye. Just because I didn't believe half the things she said, doesn't mean she was actually lying. My mind has been my curse for quite some time now, and this may just be another one of it's tricks. None of that can be determined until a date, place and time is set in stone. I plan on speaking to her later when I get off to see if something can be set up. If she gives me anytype of excuse or nonsense, I'll be going with the assumptions already stored in my head and going back to my reality.


I do not want to meet up with her to start any irrational commitments; I simply want to see what she's all about. So many months of phone conversations, I'd like to match the voice with a face. Lately, simple things like this have been so hard for some people. That is what's crazy to me. Does life have to be made this difficult? Even if one is lying, can we nip it in the bud and not drag it a long??? I don't know, maybe my logic is off, but that is a whole different story too.


This summer is not my season for love, but I'd love for it to be the season of realness and truth. So far, not so good. I'm not giving up hope though. This is the last time for Champ to shine through; I hope she doesn't lose the battle again.

B. Scott Said It Best - Ex Is An Ex For A Reason

I love this guy! He expresses himself in a real and truthful way. Not to mention he's hilarious. This whole ex spill is great. People really do lose their minds when they realize what they lost out on. However, it's too late. BEAT IT! You had your chance and you blew it. The end.

Daily Singles: Perception of Past Romances

Daily Singles: Aquarius - May 16, 2009

Hindsight isn't always 20/20 -- when it comes to reviewing past romances, it can have a bad case of cataracts. Ask yourself if you're seeing events as they really were, or how you wanted them to be.

When I look back at my past romances I don't always look at the entire picture. The way I see things is depending on how it all went down between me and that person. How did things end? How did we split? Are we still in contact with one another? Do I still have feelings for that person? Did I wish it would've worked out between us? Now if I'm on some "real fuck a bitch shit" because of this person and the way that they treated me; I'm not going to think too highly of my past romance with this person. I'm going to forget the actual good things that might've taken place during our season. I'm going to talk major shit, and not give this person a good recommendation for future romances with anybody that I know may be interested in them.

Now when it comes to the ones that I feel like I shouldn't have let slip away so easily; I tend to play favoritism. In all actuality everything between me and this person could not have been "ALL THAT", but because deep down I still have feelings for that person, I'm not going to think about the bad things. I'm going to forget the fact that they snored. I'm going to forget the fact that they lied 70% of the time. I'm going to forget the fact that they had insecurity issues. All negativity about this person will be covered, because they are in my favorite folder, and for some strange reason I'd take them back with the good and bad.

When I do take my frequent trips down memory lane and look at my lovers wall of fame and shame; I do view the events the way I sometimes wish they would've went down. I add my own spin on things in my own head. It's my fantasy or my nightmare. Perception is everything that I make it. I am the only artist in my world, and there is only one masterpiece in this exhibit. How I view the events of past romances is going to be totally different than how the other party views our past events. That's how life is no matter what the actual case may be. No two people's mental hindsight are the same.

Bottom line - perception is only part of the equation. Acceptance is everything!

Blast From The Past!

Last night I got in from work, settled in and started my nightly blog reading and commenting, when I got her call. I hadn't spoken to LeLe in about six months. The last I heard she was in town over the summer, and I made it a point to be missing in action. I'm not sure if I spoke about her in this blog, but this is my ex from way back in the day. We were together for four years; most of the while I was in college. I met her in college, away at Stephen F. Austin, freshman year. She was from Jersey, and I loved her sassy attitude and thick northern accent. The girl was bad, and I was freshly broken into the lesbian world by my 28 yr old lesbian cherry popper, loll. I was OUT, about and ready to get me a girl. That is when I met LeLe, at the ripe age of 18. She claimed to be 17 at the time, and It didn't take much for me to fall in love with her, of course. I needed something to get my mind off the fact that I broke my ex-boyfriend's heart at the time, by switching teams in the middle of the season (how he puts it) loll.

LeLe stole my heart man, and has had this magical power over me every since. We had been through a lot. I mean more than one would think a person like me would go through with anybody. That girl, now woman was the exception to my every rule. This girl made my life, ruined it, and then made it again. I'm not going to go into all of the details, but that was the one relationship that helped form me into the person I am today. Some of the ones who know me, are like "that damn LeLe", loll. I know, because I am a pretty cold hearted person, let them tell it. I am bittersweet about my lessons learned in that relationship. I am happy that I survived the LeLe Chronicles, and I'm happy that I got over the "fuck love" stages and actually loved another after her. When she went back to Jersey, I can't lie and say that I wasn't lost. I had no idea where I would end up in the name of love. I couldn't see any other, but her. I was sick ya'll. I was not the Mica that everyone knows me to be. I got through that though.

She still had that power over me though. Every time she came back from Jersey, I went missing, and everyone knew that LeLe had touchdown in H-town. In some strange way, my heart has never been able to totally release her. I haven't seen her in almost a year, and hadn't talked to her before last night in almost 6 months. It felt very awkward having a conversation with her. Right now she's in a relationship with a 31 yr old woman and seem to be happy. We caught up on what's been going on in our lives for the past 6 months. I almost appreciate the time that we don't speak, because I have control over my feelings and thoughts. I have no question marks swiveling through my mind during conversations with anyone else. I'm at peace, but leave it to LeLe to pop up on the scene and stir the pot. She's a punch spiker, and leaves you with unexplainable and indescribable feelings. I can't stand it.

My blast from the past, who has played the part of my most sweetest addiction and most deadly addiction. I don¢t know when we will speak again, but I pray to GOD she doesn't touchdown in Houston during the Holidays. I may have to flee the city. Seriously.