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Blast From The Past!


Last night I got in from work, settled in and started my nightly blog reading and commenting, when I got her call. I hadn't spoken to LeLe in about six months. The last I heard she was in town over the summer, and I made it a point to be missing in action. I'm not sure if I spoke about her in this blog, but this is my ex from way back in the day. We were together for four years; most of the while I was in college. I met her in college, away at Stephen F. Austin, freshman year. She was from Jersey, and I loved her sassy attitude and thick northern accent. The girl was bad, and I was freshly broken into the lesbian world by my 28 yr old lesbian cherry popper, loll. I was OUT, about and ready to get me a girl. That is when I met LeLe, at the ripe age of 18. She claimed to be 17 at the time, and It didn't take much for me to fall in love with her, of course. I needed something to get my mind off the fact that I broke my ex-boyfriend's heart at the time, by switching teams in the middle of the season (how he puts it) loll.

LeLe stole my heart man, and has had this magical power over me every since. We had been through a lot. I mean more than one would think a person like me would go through with anybody. That girl, now woman was the exception to my every rule. This girl made my life, ruined it, and then made it again. I'm not going to go into all of the details, but that was the one relationship that helped form me into the person I am today. Some of the ones who know me, are like "that damn LeLe", loll. I know, because I am a pretty cold hearted person, let them tell it. I am bittersweet about my lessons learned in that relationship. I am happy that I survived the LeLe Chronicles, and I'm happy that I got over the "fuck love" stages and actually loved another after her. When she went back to Jersey, I can't lie and say that I wasn't lost. I had no idea where I would end up in the name of love. I couldn't see any other, but her. I was sick ya'll. I was not the Mica that everyone knows me to be. I got through that though.

She still had that power over me though. Every time she came back from Jersey, I went missing, and everyone knew that LeLe had touchdown in H-town. In some strange way, my heart has never been able to totally release her. I haven't seen her in almost a year, and hadn't talked to her before last night in almost 6 months. It felt very awkward having a conversation with her. Right now she's in a relationship with a 31 yr old woman and seem to be happy. We caught up on what's been going on in our lives for the past 6 months. I almost appreciate the time that we don't speak, because I have control over my feelings and thoughts. I have no question marks swiveling through my mind during conversations with anyone else. I'm at peace, but leave it to LeLe to pop up on the scene and stir the pot. She's a punch spiker, and leaves you with unexplainable and indescribable feelings. I can't stand it.

My blast from the past, who has played the part of my most sweetest addiction and most deadly addiction. I don¢t know when we will speak again, but I pray to GOD she doesn't touchdown in Houston during the Holidays. I may have to flee the city. Seriously.

7 readers:

Social Disaster said...

Switching teams in the middle of the season...lol. I LOVE IT!

Latoya said...

THIS IS DEEP!

. said...

It probably won't take much for you to know who wrote this message, but since I can't seem to work out my Blogger password I'll have to write 'anonymously'. I haven't read your postings for a few weeks, and I was pleased with what I read tonight. I appreciate this post because it suggests you have some genuine emotion somewhere in there. LeLe reuined it for us all, a true shame. On the flip side, it's nice to know that you found yourself capable of controlling your thoughts and emotions when you spoke with her. I'm big on maintaining communication with significant people of the past, so I personally hope you two converse again soon. However, I hope she doesn't touch down over the holidays.. wouldn't want you disappearing.. =]

. said...

wait..... my password worked... LMAO.

She W0rd Hustlez said...

Social Disaster - Lol, yeah I secretly thought it was cute too.

Toya - I know huh?

Shay - Man, LeLe needs to beat it, loll. She's a true drug, and I have been through various stages of rehabs, but I think I'm alright now though. She did mess it up for a lot of folks, but a lot has to do with me personally and can't all be blamed on her.

ill;kinda said...

aww :)
at least you're able to admit that you still have some sort of connection to her even after admitting she had some sort of power over you .


this is raw :)

She W0rd Hustlez said...

Ugh, please don't remind me. I was so serious when I said, I dig the time periods when we don't converse. I can brethe freely.

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