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The Number


Does the number of one's sexual partners matter to you? I mean say you really dig this person, and you're loving every moment of their company and conversation. Then the topic comes up involving your past relationships, lovers, encounters, sexual escapades. Then they hit you with that million dollar question. I mean you know that your number may be kinda high, so you quickly say, "you answer first!" Then they respond with "3" you're like wtf?! Only 3? You instantly feel horrible, because you know your number is probably 18 times more than that. You still end up telling them though. Does their perception of you change? Will they hold you accountable today for the actions in your past. Will there always be a trust issue in the possible future relationship?

It's true that my past will always be a part of me, but I can honestly say that I am not the same woman I was last year. Or the year before that, and damn sure not the year before that. However, that number I can't escape. I like to keep it honest with people, so if I am pursuing someone, and she asks me what my number is; I tell her. I throw it to the wind, and not even with caution, because that fact is just a itty bitty part of me. Every encounter that I had has gotten me to where I am today. Negative and positive. All walks in life, or in this case lays in life have some type of impact on you. This could be why my mentality to women and sex are severely damaged. Yes, I've slowed down tremendously, but old habits die hard.

Am I embarrassed about my number? Well as we all know, Mica is much to fly to be embarrassed, loll. Seriously though, I'm not embarrassed, but I'm not proud either. I've made countless mistakes with x amount of people. I can't take these temporary moments of passion back. Although, some of them I wish I could, due to the pure wackness of the encounter, loll. But hey, when asked what my number is, I lay it out on the table. For some it may be a hard pill to digest, and some may just view as my history. I've learned to realize that the insecure ones hold my past over my head, and the confident ones could give a damn about my past, because they are in my present.

So if you ask a person what their number is, and the digit(s) are put out there; how do you digest it all?

6 readers:

R. Alexandra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
R. Alexandra said...

i've battled with this topic for a few months now. but i've come to probably the same realization as you, a persons 'count' - for lack of better terms, depends on how many .... "situations" they've been in with other people. honestly, someones 'count' does not automatically make them a slut/skeeze/whore etc. it's how they achieved that count that qualifies them as one of those.

but if you've achieved your count because of the nature of your past 'situations', no matter how many, then it shouldn't matter.

sure -- we make mistakes when choosing the ones we let into our bedrooms sometimes, but hey. what's life without mistakes?

Little Miss Knobody said...

I'm adopting the military's Don't Ask. Don't Tell Policy on this one. I always thought that policy was BS in its highest form, but on the "numbers" matter, I think it works good both ways.

She W0rd Hustlez said...

Diplo - Truth spoken. This topic can be looked at in so many ways, but you're damn sure right about one thing; life isn't shit without mistakes. It's the mistakes that help us grow wiser anyway.

Miss. Nobody - Don't ask. Don't tell huh? Lol. That's a very good policy to live by.

Anonymous said...

i think u going like my new blog..it has ALOT to do with you!

She W0rd Hustlez said...

Hm, well I will moste surely be there if it does!

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