Love On The Sideline

It never fails that in every relationship there will be those crabs trying to pull you down from your happy high! This however just proves how strong you are in that relationship. Will you give in to the temptation of seduction? Will you drift down from that happy high and play with fire? How much is one moment of passion worth? All these questions might be easy to answer coming straight from your mouth, but when in that situation; we all know that's a different story.

Infidelity has been common since the beginning of time. Some of us have been guilty of it, and some of us haven't. I've been on both sides of the fence sad to say. I've done my dirt; due to some serious commitment issues that I have going on in my personal closet of skeletons. I've broken those fragile hearts because I gave into those seductive crabs. I allowed myself to be pulled down from my happy high, and I suffered through those third degree burns. It seems all good when you think your secret is quiet as kept. You feel you have that perfect situation and that sideline love knows how to play their part. Ha! Whatever is done in the dark will 99.9% of the time always come to the light at some point. And when the shit hits the fan….



Just ask Tiger!!!

Ha! Sorry Mr. Woods; I had to do it. This is a perfect example of where that sideline love can land you. I am not going to lie; he had a good run while it lasted. Had his little pieces set up like decoys cheering from the stands with the rest of the common folk. It's very rare that a sideline lover stays in his/or her lane throughout the entire course. At some point, they become resentful in the fact that they are just mere sloppy seconds. They are not the top priority, and they will forever be in the shadows. That is until they decide to steal the spotlight. Take your shine and ultimately pull you off your high horse and down from your happy high.

I must say I'm still not the most innocent woman in the world though. I still probably flirt way more than I should. My eyes wonder way more than they should. I haven't been as adamant as I should be when it comes to closing those past chapters of my life. I still have lines of communication open with those who I know play the role of the seductive crab; just waiting to snap at me the first chance they get. I must get my act right quick, fast, and in a hurry. As each day passes; I realize more and more how lucky I am to be in the relationship that I'm in. I won't find a better support system than what I have here. The love is unconditional, and the last thing I need is my fears of commitment to rear their ugly heads and mess this up. I'm living love in the 80's, and this is a happy high I don’t want to come down on anytime soon.

Love in the 80's

Wow, long time no write around these parts. I've been missing in action for quite some time; I apologize. I do have some things to get off my chest though. I've been writing old school style lately. Good old fashioned pen and paper. Other than that; where have I been? Well, I've been out on the town with love. I've finally found a woman who seems to be suitable for me. Anyone who has kept up with this blog knows my struggle when it comes to females. Boy do I know how to pick em'! I think I did alright for myself this time.
 
Everyone keeps telling me that this woman isn't what they pictured me with. Yes, she is out of the norm for me, but that’s a good thing. That was my problem; I would always fall for the same type of female and end up with the same problems. I was use to dealing with girls, and now I have a woman. The only thing left for me to do is get my mind right. Get out of that state of mind that I was so use to being in. I'm use to the fireworks going off by now. I'm use to being on a constant roller coaster ride, but this woman is no amusement park. She's almost perfect, and that scares me a little. Nothing sets her off, and she's so easy going about EVERYTHING. That’s a good thing right? I believe it is. She doesn't get jealous over any other female that may still be calling my phone. Her confidence and security level is through the roof. That's a great thing. She doesn't argue or debate, and she agrees with pretty much everything. Nothing is a big deal with here. In this, I am bitter-sweet.
 
Me being the woman I am; I need that "kick" in a relationship. I need to be put in my place 70% of the time. I need to feel like I'm in a relationship. For some reason,  I still feel like I'm single. I feel free, because she's so passive. I'm use to the 21 questions. I'm use to the possessive tendencies. I'm use to the disagreements that turn me on and anticipate me for the make up session. But everything with her is….perfect. I'm use to dealing with Tasha Smith character on Why Did I Get Married, but I got the Jill Scott. Why complain? I got everything I asked for. She's the total package. I'm so use to being in a chaotic romantic setting, that I don't know how to deal in peace.
 
My whole fear in this perfect relationship; is that I'll grow bored. I'm no good when I'm bored, because that hardly EVER happens to me. This is why that "kick" in the relationship keeps me on my toes. It keeps me alert and keeps me fired up to keep going. I don't want to be the typical lesbian, and thrive off drama. I believe I'm a far cry from the typical lesbian, but a thickened plot makes the story so much better. I just don't want to keep looking like the evil villain, because of what I'm use to. The last thing I want to do is keep hurting her feelings, because I don’t know how to play the hand I was dealt; which is the one that I asked for.
 
This is still in it's early stages, and in my eyes only has the potential to get better with time. I don’t want my ways to push her away. My extreme loner ways. My unaffectionate ways. My independent ways. Oh, and yes being too independent can be a bad thing. Your mate might feel obsolete, because you do everything on your own and want no input or help. I'm good for this. All things I am working on. The affectionate thing will probably never come though. That's just not me. Nobody in my family is affectionate other than my half sister. I grew up with a mother and father that didn’t even sleep in the same bed. We didn't eat dinner together at the table. Every family member were for themselves. We were 3 strangers under one roof. So affection is something that came every blue moon for me my entire life. You can't miss something you never really had. You also can't be expected to give it either.
 
All I can say is; I can't let past dealings with psychotic females cause me to mess up something good. Something that I'll probably on get one chance in my life to encounter. She is my 80 after ohhhh soooo many 20's. Love in the 20's brought me nothing but bitterness and heartache. I got everything but what I truly needed out of those situations. Love in the 80's brings maturity, understanding, unconditional love, peace and and a sense of compassion any man or woman only dreams about. I'm thankful. I love her. I just need to get my mind right and FAST!!!
 

In Love With A Lie - How Far Would You Go?

How far would you go if you found out that your boyfriend/girlfriend for x amount of months/years was engaged to someone else? Would you sulk into a deep tunnel; never to come out and face the world again? Would you suck it up and charge it to the game as a loss in love? Or would you seek revenge and take that muthafucka for all he/she is worth?


Finding out you're being cheated on is a hard pill to swallow. So many emotions roaring at once, and any decision that’s made could change your love life forever. In how you handle your current love and how you handle your love in the future. I've been in the "I'm being cheated on" boat, and I can't say that I made the right decisions regarding my action. I'm a hot head so you already know I got my Waiting to Exhale on, and did my damage. I was on some real fuck a bitch shit for a long time! I didn't trust anybody, and I didn't want to see love if it knocked on my door with $10 million dollars in it's hand. I was fed up!


It's crazy how easy it is for people to lie and lead these double lives. Using the word love in vain means nothing to some people. They can treat you like the queen or king of the universe, but can be treating someone else the same exact way on the other side of town. TRAGIC! But when the shit hits the fan, and the gig is up…omg! What to do, what to do?!


So here I am this morning trying to comfort a friend of mine going through this same exact thing. After giving her all to a man, and putting so much on the line for what she thought was the love of her life; she finds out he is engaged. Thinking he was on a business trip in New York, she receives a call from his Fiancé asking who she was to him. Goodness! Talk about having your heart sink to your ASS! Dude is living with my friend, and all of his stuff is in her house where she pays the bills. Do you THINK this man would have anything left if he had the nerve to show up at my doorstep again? HA! I think NOT! The clothes, jewelry, brand new TV, toothbrush and draws would all be mine! I'd be in that leasing office so fast to change those locks; you wouldn't believe it! I'd dare him to bust a move too! But that's just me. You're not about to play me 100% and get away with it. My friend on the other hand is more kinder and gentler soul than I. Boy, do I feel bad for her. I just keep telling her that God will bless her, and karma will be giving him a visit very soon.

You also have to look at what you've done in the relationship as well. Just because your secrets haven't fallen out of the closet doesn't make you innocent. God sees all things, and brings all things to the light at some point. So while seeking revenge and crying your heart out; what dirt did you do? This just could be karma bitting you in the ass first!

Daily Singles: Do Talk To Strangers

Daily Singles: August 4, 2009


It's a great day to take a risk and get to someone new. Talk to a complete stranger to better hone your communication skills. Sometimes it's helpful to initiate conversation with someone outside of your usual friends. Be friendly, observant and most of all, yourself.

So this is implying that I talk to strangers? Loll, that is so outside of my character. I've come out of my shell more and more over the years though. I'm more of a social butterfly than I've ever been. I guess my metamorphosis came later in life. I haven't completely shattered my shell though. I'm still reserved and ducked behind the shadows. People are crazy and I've found that being this way has really helped me dodge a lot of unnecessary drama as well.



This advise doesn't have to be on a romantic tip, but also a business networking tip. With the screwed up economy the whole saying; "it's not about what you know, but who you know" is more realistic than every. Social networking requires that you speak to strangers. Who knows; I can either find the love of my life or a partner to find the next multi-billion dollar company. This is just a small risk to take in life. Me being a reserved shadow ducker is me giving myself the short end of the stick. There are so many layers to me, but as I unravel them one by one; I'm stepping further and further into my womanhood, in which I have grown to love unconditionally.

I've been craving some new networking friends. People just to hang out with. Cultured people who can think outside the club. It seems that my friends only want to be seen at a party or a club. It's past time for me to broaden my horizons. If my friends don’t want to join me, then I guess I have to leave them behind. It'd be dope if I got a two for one special. Find the new cultured friend and the girlfriend all in the same person, loll. Who knows? This might happen. I'm not going to get my hopes up on that part, because my season of love clearly hasn’t strarted yet.

Face 2 Face

I hope everyone had an excellent weekend. My weekend went rather well. I had yet another blast from the past pop up on me this weekend. I've written about her before, and I've also written her off on numerous occasions as well. I guess just like with everyone else; my main issue with her was trust. It's no secret that I have trust issues; due to being burned severely in my own past. I can't seem to shake the fear when it comes to that either. But then again, every time I turn around people are lying. Lying for no good reason at all. That's a whole different story though.


Anyway, Champ popped back up this weekend out of the blue. I had drifted completely away from her due to irreconcilable differences and distance. That was a very unique situation. We had never met before and we split before any plans were pushed through on meeting. She told me that she was moving to Houston this summer before we stopped speaking, but due to her track record; I just didn't believe her. This weekend she said that she had a few bad dreams about me, and felt it was a sign to give me a call. We talked for along time. She said that she had been in Houston for about a month already. She told me the area that she lived in; which sounded sort of believable. However, after so many issues in the past; I have to see it to believe it. I mean anybody can Google Houston and learn the city, loll. But I hope she wouldn't go that far. I just don’t put anything past anyone. Fucked up things happen to me, so I'm definitely not crossing that one off the list of possibilities, loll.


Supposedly, RIGHT after her and I stopped speaking she up and got a new girlfriend and moved to Houston with her. That's weird, but none of my business nonetheless. It's just something else to raise the red flag on though. It's been so many things about Champ that I've just had to shake off and NOT be concerned with. Because, if I did try to figure it out; I'd have a head full of grey hair by now. Just don’t have time to solve the riddles. My whole thing is now; if she's in Houston, I'd like to meet her. Perhaps my unanswered questions will all be answered with one look in the eye. Just because I didn't believe half the things she said, doesn't mean she was actually lying. My mind has been my curse for quite some time now, and this may just be another one of it's tricks. None of that can be determined until a date, place and time is set in stone. I plan on speaking to her later when I get off to see if something can be set up. If she gives me anytype of excuse or nonsense, I'll be going with the assumptions already stored in my head and going back to my reality.


I do not want to meet up with her to start any irrational commitments; I simply want to see what she's all about. So many months of phone conversations, I'd like to match the voice with a face. Lately, simple things like this have been so hard for some people. That is what's crazy to me. Does life have to be made this difficult? Even if one is lying, can we nip it in the bud and not drag it a long??? I don't know, maybe my logic is off, but that is a whole different story too.


This summer is not my season for love, but I'd love for it to be the season of realness and truth. So far, not so good. I'm not giving up hope though. This is the last time for Champ to shine through; I hope she doesn't lose the battle again.