Up Waiting....Again

I can't believe I'm up right now. I'm going to so pissed in 3 hours when I have to be up for work. I just feel really stupid staying up all of this time waiting for my ex to call me back like she said she would. I always do this. Expect people to do things that they say they are going to do. That has always been a very big issue for me. I know better than anybody that this just leads to great disappointments. Now I'm upset and can't sleep. I know this is really silly of me to expect this from an ex, because she surely isn't obligated to me anymore. I mean she did stuff like this when we were together. *Sigh* I will learn one day.

This next portion may be a little bit too much information for most people, but I don't care. This is my blog and I'm going to write whatever I want to. Another reason why I'm up is because I'm extremely sexually backed up. This is another thing that I was expecting tonight, and is yet another disappointment. I've been really good since July and haven't done anything at all. I'm a very sexual person and the feelings are controlled solely through mental stimulation. I've stressed this to my ex so many times and it just didn't seem to happen. Everyone is different and when it comes to sex I am very picky with it. It's always easy to lay someone the very first time, because its a total mental game. That is when you're getting into the mind of someone for the very first time. The mental foreplay is out of this world, if that person is capable of holding some sort of intellectual conversation. However, after that first time for me; the mental stimulation bar is raised. Something else has to be done or said for me to keep coming back for more. Sometimes, people get mentally lazy though and just expect the sex to come naturally. Not with me. You have to keep stimulating my mind and stroking that sexual ego, or it's a dud for me. I guess this is why my list is so long. I'm not proud of that, but that is a department I get very bored with very fast if my needs are not met mentally. Another one of my life's catch 22's.

So here I am up, mentally and sexually frustrated. Sleep has lost this battle. I have alot of thinking to do and a few decisions to make now. I won't go into such details in this blog, but will wait until I make those decisions and lay them out thereafter. This is something that I cannot do anymore. Wait up for someone else, no matter who it is. Its been made official that people will do what they want to do when they want to do at their own convenience. Being considerate and doing the right thing in my eyes is something that is often looked over by most people I deal with. Oh well, such is life right? A major event that is full of disappointments, trial and error. Well I'm going back to try and find the light in the darkness of my room. Goodmorning.