The Season Of Love

….is DEAD. Do not resuscitate! Let that muthafucka go! Love doesn't live here anymore. I'm not the only one feeling it. It seems like the season is just over. Lot's of folks are going through it. The heartbreak and heartache caused by the deportation of love. I recently ended a relationship that was built on a lie and drug through the dirt by false hope. I think I felt more betrayal and resentment than heartache, but I guess it's all the same thing huh? It wasn't bad though. I've been through much worse. I didn't lose any sleep or miss any meals. I've been living life as normal. I really don't have time for heartache right now. Too many things have to be accomplished in my day. So thank God I was spared this go round. I wish I could say the same for others I know. =(

It's something we all must go through in my eyes. It's almost destined like that life and death. We all suffer from the loss of love. Once you get past the hurting and pull the proper lessons out of the experience; it can only make you a better person.

"Every time we lay awake
after every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
still I haven't missed you yet
Every roommate kept awake
by every silent scream we make
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?"

- 3 Days Grace

I swear I didn't want to write about this today. I've been dodging this post for the past week. I've been trying to find another outlet I suppose. I've been doing good thus far with keeping it off the brain. I hate to wallow in self pity and breast stroke through spilled milk. Clean it up and pour another class. I am my mother's child, and dwelling in depression is something we just don't do. However, with some things its easier said than done. My good friend is going through something that I've been through one too many times. Way beyond the point of desire. I feel her pain, and I wish I could take it all from her. Time has to run it's course though. It's like indulging on something so sweet that you know will leave a bitter after taste. We live for that first bite though don't we? Nobody can tell us anything once we get our hands on it! The devil is a lie, and the truth ain't in him!!! I'm going on a fast.

So Much For That

Aquarius - February 8, 2009

If your romantic life is going through some drama right now, the best course of action is no action at all! Even if you are sure of what you want to happen next, you've got to wait a while and just let the dust settle. Let the other person be the next one to make a move. It's their turn, and if you act impatiently, they could feel like you are starting a power struggle. If things are meant to be, they are meant to be. You need to take this kind of attitude right now.

Well, its pretty clear that on usually only write here when there is trouble in paradise or my love life has gone down the drain yet again. Truth be told, I'm really trying to get back into this blogging thing. My life's responsibilites were just kicked up a few notches, leaving me with little or no time to spare. I think the last time I wrote here I was having issues with getting my girl to listen to me and all that good stuff. Well, that never happened, loll. Her head remained up her ass, and she couldn't see past her own shit. Of course I had to dip. Does she understand why things went down the way they did? Or course not. She's still clueless, and I'm being labeled the bad guy. The story of my life.

She states that I changed her for the better. I chalk it up to the rest of the bullshit she's told me in the past. So many untruths and fabricated stories were told, only insulting my intelligence. Ahhhh, Deja vu. Back to what I know, which is being responsible for my own feelings and heart. It's better this way. I feel relieved. I don't wake up with the weight of love on my shoulders. Fuck what you heard, all that stuff is overrated. This coming from a person who loves to be alone anyway. The saga continues...

Sweet Saturdays

Saturdays just got sweeter.....

This is where you can find me on the weekends!

If you're in Houston check it out!!

Listening Ear

Before I get into this I have to laugh my ass off @ The Dreamy One! I know you think all my blogs are about different people, but they aren't. I mean I can be indecisive, but damn! Most of these joints are about the same person. I'm caught on an emotional love rollercoaster, and I can't get off. Forgive me, if my blog emotions change like my draws. Frankly, I'm not even trying to get off this rollercoaster. I'm digging' the ride.

I'm slowly getting back into this blog thing. I have more followers on this blog than I thought I ever would. I want to stop by everyone's spot and read my little ass off. That'll take an entire day to do, loll. I'll get there though, so don't stop reading me, because you think I'm not reading you. So I want to welcome the new viewers. This blog isn't all that spectacular. Most blogs I see are strictly about fashion, gossip and music. I keep my shit real, personal and down to earth. This is me. This is how I live my life, and this is how I view life through my eyes. Right now, I'm all in love so if a little lesbian dramatic love scene doesn't offend you, stick around.

Aquarius Love Scope - January 14, 2009

Take a look beneath the surface to get a better idea of what is going on in your relationship. Let your loved one know you are available to lend an ear if there's something on their mind.

The one thing that is truly needed in a healthy relationship is communication, but also the listening ear. On this ride, we've had some hearing issues. However, I think we found the right hearing aide to guide us to our next step in love. I never thought we'd get there though, loll I can't lie. I felt I had entered the cemented fun house and my words were bouncing off the walls slapping me right back in the face. It was not a good feeling.

Everything is not always everything. Shit happens, and yes I am a firm believer in tough love. What I find not worth crying over, someone else may not be able to stop crying over. Sometimes I want to slap people for the tiny situations that they call problems. In my eyes, the world literally never stops spinning so you need to keep moving right along with it. Whatever you're going through can always be worse. However, people still need that listening ear. They still need that shoulder to cry on. I'm trying to provide that for my love. It can be hard, because half the time I just don't see the logic behind it all. However, it's not my life. She's the artist, and I'm merely her number one fan hanging on to every stroke with every brush, with every color she chooses to place on her canvas. I can critique all I want to, but this is her masterpiece. I respect that, and I respect her. I'm here in any way, shape or form.

Now that we seem to be on the same page, I do hope that the feelings and duties are mutual.

Can You Hear Me Now?

I'm suppose to be on this sabattical. Taking my break from the outside world. If only I could stay away from the earthlings; I would. However, I still have to make a living and pay bills. I have this intellectual void that needs to be filled. My good friend no longer has time for me; so those conversations that could only be held with her have come to an end. Don't know what's going on with The Black Experience meet up group, but that was suppose to be another way to give my brain a bath. Who knows. I haven't really been talking to anyone. The person I have been talking to is really giving me this touch and go blues. I don't dare waste my intellectual thoughts on her. I already feel like most of my words are vanishing in thin air as it is. It's really dsappointing. I'm use to people being thouroughly interested in me. Interested in what my beliefs are. Interested in what makes me tick. Interested in what I feel about current events. I'm use to brain teasing converstaions. Most of our conversations revolve around her. I just sit back and listen. I can only hope that my responses to her will be fully heard.

I haven't been writing hardly anything. I'm use to ones that are actually interested in me, to ask "hey why haven't you wrote anything lately?" "Have you wrote today?" "I'm missing something here, link me to your latest blog." I don't get that from her. She's super caught up in her own world. She' in love with the idea of me. She loves the fact that I am here. But just because a person is on the phone or in your presense doesn't mean that they are all there. My personaltily won't allow me to throw everything out in the open. I don't like things being ALL about me, this is why I ask questions. I show my interest and I ask the whys and hows. I prove with my actions that I am interested in the person I'm with. I don't know, I just feel incompaitable right now. Like I don't fit. I keep hoping that this feeling will vanish, but as the days go by; it's only the same scenario. A ounce of me is living in her world. My thing is, will she ever thirst for more? Or has she overdosed on that little bit? Can she not handle anymore?

I don't like feeling like an attention whore, because I'm not. I'm just a person who is use to being studied by the mentally intrigued. So I'm waiting. Am I just waiting for her to get bored? Am I waiting for myself to get bored, because even though it rarely happens to me; I do get bored. I get bored when my brain is in park. I get bored when I'm not learning anything more. I get bored when the information highway is not directing two-way traffic. My interest starts to wander. The intellectual becomes a magnet to my attention, and up and away I go. I do need this girl to show, and give me more. I am finding myself demanding it and my words falling upon deaf ears. However, things like this no one should demand. I can't make anybody show interest in me, loll. That's insane. Either it's there or it isn't. 2009 is suppose to be my year of not settling. However, I can't help but to feel like I started off the year doing just that.

I get these "Mica I want to get in your head" requests everyday, but it's not coming from the one I need it to come from. Gosh, I feel obsolete in this girl's world. The communication is off, the understanding is questionable, the beliefs are unspoken, and it's all making the future very blurry. As I tell her more often than not, I'll stick around for as much as I can take.