Listening Ear

Before I get into this I have to laugh my ass off @ The Dreamy One! I know you think all my blogs are about different people, but they aren't. I mean I can be indecisive, but damn! Most of these joints are about the same person. I'm caught on an emotional love rollercoaster, and I can't get off. Forgive me, if my blog emotions change like my draws. Frankly, I'm not even trying to get off this rollercoaster. I'm digging' the ride.

I'm slowly getting back into this blog thing. I have more followers on this blog than I thought I ever would. I want to stop by everyone's spot and read my little ass off. That'll take an entire day to do, loll. I'll get there though, so don't stop reading me, because you think I'm not reading you. So I want to welcome the new viewers. This blog isn't all that spectacular. Most blogs I see are strictly about fashion, gossip and music. I keep my shit real, personal and down to earth. This is me. This is how I live my life, and this is how I view life through my eyes. Right now, I'm all in love so if a little lesbian dramatic love scene doesn't offend you, stick around.

Aquarius Love Scope - January 14, 2009

Take a look beneath the surface to get a better idea of what is going on in your relationship. Let your loved one know you are available to lend an ear if there's something on their mind.

The one thing that is truly needed in a healthy relationship is communication, but also the listening ear. On this ride, we've had some hearing issues. However, I think we found the right hearing aide to guide us to our next step in love. I never thought we'd get there though, loll I can't lie. I felt I had entered the cemented fun house and my words were bouncing off the walls slapping me right back in the face. It was not a good feeling.

Everything is not always everything. Shit happens, and yes I am a firm believer in tough love. What I find not worth crying over, someone else may not be able to stop crying over. Sometimes I want to slap people for the tiny situations that they call problems. In my eyes, the world literally never stops spinning so you need to keep moving right along with it. Whatever you're going through can always be worse. However, people still need that listening ear. They still need that shoulder to cry on. I'm trying to provide that for my love. It can be hard, because half the time I just don't see the logic behind it all. However, it's not my life. She's the artist, and I'm merely her number one fan hanging on to every stroke with every brush, with every color she chooses to place on her canvas. I can critique all I want to, but this is her masterpiece. I respect that, and I respect her. I'm here in any way, shape or form.

Now that we seem to be on the same page, I do hope that the feelings and duties are mutual.

Can You Hear Me Now?

I'm suppose to be on this sabattical. Taking my break from the outside world. If only I could stay away from the earthlings; I would. However, I still have to make a living and pay bills. I have this intellectual void that needs to be filled. My good friend no longer has time for me; so those conversations that could only be held with her have come to an end. Don't know what's going on with The Black Experience meet up group, but that was suppose to be another way to give my brain a bath. Who knows. I haven't really been talking to anyone. The person I have been talking to is really giving me this touch and go blues. I don't dare waste my intellectual thoughts on her. I already feel like most of my words are vanishing in thin air as it is. It's really dsappointing. I'm use to people being thouroughly interested in me. Interested in what my beliefs are. Interested in what makes me tick. Interested in what I feel about current events. I'm use to brain teasing converstaions. Most of our conversations revolve around her. I just sit back and listen. I can only hope that my responses to her will be fully heard.

I haven't been writing hardly anything. I'm use to ones that are actually interested in me, to ask "hey why haven't you wrote anything lately?" "Have you wrote today?" "I'm missing something here, link me to your latest blog." I don't get that from her. She's super caught up in her own world. She' in love with the idea of me. She loves the fact that I am here. But just because a person is on the phone or in your presense doesn't mean that they are all there. My personaltily won't allow me to throw everything out in the open. I don't like things being ALL about me, this is why I ask questions. I show my interest and I ask the whys and hows. I prove with my actions that I am interested in the person I'm with. I don't know, I just feel incompaitable right now. Like I don't fit. I keep hoping that this feeling will vanish, but as the days go by; it's only the same scenario. A ounce of me is living in her world. My thing is, will she ever thirst for more? Or has she overdosed on that little bit? Can she not handle anymore?

I don't like feeling like an attention whore, because I'm not. I'm just a person who is use to being studied by the mentally intrigued. So I'm waiting. Am I just waiting for her to get bored? Am I waiting for myself to get bored, because even though it rarely happens to me; I do get bored. I get bored when my brain is in park. I get bored when I'm not learning anything more. I get bored when the information highway is not directing two-way traffic. My interest starts to wander. The intellectual becomes a magnet to my attention, and up and away I go. I do need this girl to show, and give me more. I am finding myself demanding it and my words falling upon deaf ears. However, things like this no one should demand. I can't make anybody show interest in me, loll. That's insane. Either it's there or it isn't. 2009 is suppose to be my year of not settling. However, I can't help but to feel like I started off the year doing just that.

I get these "Mica I want to get in your head" requests everyday, but it's not coming from the one I need it to come from. Gosh, I feel obsolete in this girl's world. The communication is off, the understanding is questionable, the beliefs are unspoken, and it's all making the future very blurry. As I tell her more often than not, I'll stick around for as much as I can take.