Back To The Hustle

I've got to get back to my passion. I've been living life. I've been hustling in this love scene, and I've got plenty of stories to tell. I'm just a believer that you have to live it fully before you tell it. I feel as if I've almost reached steady grounds. I'll be back...

Lonely Love

Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all. - Toni Morrison

Somebody asked me the other day if I've ever had the feeling of being in love alone. Unfortunately my answer was yes. The feeling is almost indescribable. It brings about a pain so great when faced with the reality of it all. Being lonely in love is very common in a lot of relationships. One of the partner's feelings reaches a specific destination before the others. It can be a very frustrating and challenging experience. It will take a lot of patience to get through, if able. Sometimes the other partner's feelings never arrive to that destination. Love is apart of life, and it's all a gamble. You just never know what you're getting into. You never know what you'll get out of it if anything at all.

Lately, I've been on an emotional roller coaster with love. My feelings are wanting to rum at rapid speeds to this destination unknown, but I know I'll be leaving behind those feelings of another. All was laid out on the table what was ready to be faced and what wasn't. Two souls on different pages, however we face the same direction. Only one of us might get there before the other if such feelings aren't slowed down. I truly don't want to experience the feeling of being in love alone again. For once, I want to see eye to eye with my partner, and head down our destined path together in love.

Year's End:Year's Beginning - New Directon for Love

Here we are, another year has ended, and another year has begun. This past year in love has been very disappointing for me. More illusions, more impostors, and more parodies of the real thing. In which, I haven't got a chance to experience again. Although, I didn't get where I wanted to get in love this past year; it wasn't a complete failure. I learned a lot. Many lessons came about from what was and what could've been. I lost a lot of time, money and energy on some very unworthy and ungrateful people. These facts I cannot change, and if anything, they taught me not to settle for less. I lowered my standards something serious last year. Not just in love, but in many situations in my life. I refuse to do that this year. This will require me leaving things and people in the dust. I'm still facing reality, but I'm facing it with a different mindset. No longer am I facing it in fear.

This year I plan to take love in a totally different direction. It's love for myself above all else. I'm one who has been known to get lost in love. Distracted in love. I've been known to be no good in love. I lose all sense of what's REAL. I vowed to never do that again after my last relationship. I've chosen not to rush this love thing. I'm in a situation right now; where I feel like I can't get what I want. This is only God's way of telling me that I don't NEED it right now. I hear Him loud and clear. I've decided to redirect my focus. I have so many things I want to accomplish in life. I can't put them on hold for love anymore. I've been worrying about the wrong things and the wrong people for quite some time now. Some might consider my new direction as being somewhat of a silent ultimatum, and that's okay. I'm making major choices for myself this year, and it's going to be up to those around me if they want to be in my life or not. I'm honestly not letting that be a concern of mine anymore. People come and they go, and those who choose to go; were never meant to be here longer than the amount of time they were anyway.

The wheels are set in motion. I have to make a difference this year. I want that ever lasting feeling. I want to stand tall on solid grounds. I want to strengthen the roots holding up my tree of life. I want to branch out. I want to learn more and more as the seasons change around me. No more talking.....just time to get the ball rolling. Oh and if you love me like you say you so; make sure you don't let me roll right pass you.

Stand Firm...

Are you proud of your footprints in life? Your choices may not have been too smart, but are you proud of what you’ve walked through, over or around? Are you living life with no regrets? Has where you’ve been truly brought you to where you’re at currently? That last question to be taken in the most positive sense if you will. I personally can answer YES to all of these questions. The storm, the rain, the hurt, and the pain were only boulders pushing out all weakness that resided within me. The foundation laid down after everything was said done is stronger than ever! I have grown so much this year, and I’ve come along way as a woman. I’m happy to say that I’m proud of who I am.

Be as firm as you can about what you want when it comes to love. Your outlook is a work in progress -- rapid progress, for now -- so it's vital that you keep your core values front and center. - Shine

I’m a woman who definitely believes in compromise (now, loll), and it took some time and some hard falls in love to reach this point. However, when it comes to two individuals naturally walking different paths in life; at what point does such compromise alter who you are? Those core values are everything you stand for. They help map out the DNA in from which you are designed. Is it okay for you to “sit down” for love? Honestly, what good comes out of making it so far in your personal life to forget why you stand so tall today? Love is powerful. It moves and changes people for good and for bad. I believe when you’re trying to “fit” in love with another individual there is some molding that’s involved to sculpt you into that perfect piece of art in the eyes of the other person. Honestly speaking, I love my art just the way it is. This may be coming from the sprinkled about bitter debris, but I’ve lost sight of who I was for the likes of love (or lack thereof) one too many times.

I’ve changed completely for love, because I felt like such changes would keep the other person IN love. I’ve zipped my mouth shut, I’ve taken blame in falsely accused situations, I’ve lowered my caliber of thinking, I’ve shallowed the depths of my thoughts, I’ve re-arranged my life’s plans, I’ve ignored my family, I’ve ignored my friends, I’ve ignored my conscience, I’ve even altered my faith for failed attempts at love in my past. All of which took me not to be proud of then, to be proud of who I am today. So excuse me if I want to bask in the ambiance of a little success, happiness, confidence, and peace of mind. At my lowest points; I never thought I’d make it to take my next breath, let alone THIS stage in my womanhood.

You can't break your neck to satisfy everybody, because everybody damn sure ain't doing it for you! To live & love is worth a lot, but to live, love AND stay true to who you are is priceless! - T. Nicole

So without assumption, over analyzing, and/or technicality; simply put, I love me and who I’ve become. I know for a fact that it will take a woman on this same caliber of love for herself to accept who I am one hundred percent. I’ll wait…

Impressions

You know how to give the benefit of the doubt, but you also need to view people realistically. Don't forget how important first impressions can be -- you need to pay attention to your feelings. - Shine (Love & Relationships)

 

It's said that they mean everything. The beginning stage of a single memory is an impression. Without impressions there would be nothing to be intrigued by. Life would have no mystery. Life would be a exactly what it is; with no questions asked. Bottom line; life would be rather dull to say the least. Words that come out of an individuals mouth can be very powerful. They can be life altering. They can take your gray skies, and turn them blue again. Those words can be the greatest of truths, but they can also be the boldest of lies.

Depending on the importance of the encounter; we usually put on our best behavior for the occasion. It's like wearing your best Sunday clothes on a Tuesday; it means THAT much at THAT moment. That first moment. Our ears and minds are erect; standing at attention. We don't want to miss a beat. It's an adrenaline rush, and you want everything you say to be heard; whether it be the truth or a lie. Whatever is cleaver huh? In fact, if you can get past this first impression; some part of you has won the other person over either way.

Realistically speaking, a person's words to impress, are just words. That person may very well be capable of putting those exact words into action. That person could also have every intention of putting those words into action. Expectations often times lead to disappointment. So to expect every word to be true might be fault on your behalf. Giving the benefit of the doubt is beautiful, because everyone is different. However, humans are humans. I can't begin to name all of the wonderful first impressions that I've had that turned out to be nothing than I could ever imagine. The most simple recipe for any encounter; EXPECT NOTHING!

Between every lie are traces of the truth. Listen closely and watch carefully. Listen to your first mind; no matter how fast and how loud your heart might be beating. For when that beat begins to even out, and that sound isn't so loud; you might be left with the shattering sounds of reality. “Human kind cannot bear very much reality.” – T.S. Eliot; Four Quartets, Burnt Norton. So just like the first time you took your first hit, swallow, or sniff of any type of controlling substance; that unnatural high can lead you down a very deceiving and destructive path.

Stay true to yourself above all else. Make sure you're ready for what you choose to face. Make sure you're willing to accept everything you ask for. If you selflessly claim to love another individual, show them through constant action rather than your words. What you tell them on day 1 honestly doesn't matter on day 999, because if it's true; whatever they asked you on the first day; they'll proudly say again on 999th day. The greatest impressions are followed by consistency. By all means, impress me. Approach me with your best, because you better believe I'm standing before you doing the same. Just remember, you can only stretch a lie so far. The truth is everlasting.

**Only a matter of time before the meaning to what was lost is revealed. Hence the word everlasting; so technically what was stepped over will still be there when that time comes.**