Pushing The Pride Aside

Like a newborn fresh out the womb
its your nourishment I need to consume
in mass quantities
a food for the soul that lasts forever
you're my teacher
and its your knowledge I treasure
In your opinions I hold utmost respect
to voice such I tend to neglect
a lifetime difficulty to overcome I have tried
many tears of frustration I have cried
what seems to be the hardest thing to do
is push my pride aside



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You don't usually stress too much about getting ahead in the world, but you may be feeling those concerns now. Reassurance is there in the form of your sweetie, but they won't know you need it unless you ask.

My pride has always been a very big issue for me. It's hard to bend a person like me. I'm very stubborn and stuck in my ways like none other. It's in my genetic pool. From my great parents to my grand parents, and on to my parents. Puffed up with pride. We have to do everything by ourselves and in our way. Pride is an honorable trait to obtain, but to have too much of it can be a bad thing. You start to hurt those around you to protect your own ego.


Sometimes we forget that the people in our corner need our help in order to help us. We automatically expect them to know what's going on inside of us, and this is not fair to them. They only can support so much going off what we have communicated to them. When big changes come around in life; brining on extra stress, we sometimes lash out on the people who are closest to us. They only thing they are guilty of is trying to help as much as they can. If they don't say or do what we EXPECT them to do; we take major offense to it. Stopping and thinking about the situation; did you really voice what you needed from them? Or did you think they could read what's on the inside of you and automatically save your day? I am OH SO GUILTY of this.

Putting your pride aside, and asking your mate for help when needed is not a bad thing. It's a very good thing. It also shows your mate that you respect and trust them. To feel needed in a loving relationship is a very good feeling. This is one publish where I have to seriously practice what I preach. Ha! Just ask my mate!

Breaking Through The Plateau

Keeping a relationship brand new can be a bit of a task. Especially when you reach certain plateaus that seem a bit frustrating to push through. The main thing to focus on when facing such trials is to remember the love that started it all. Reminisce on the courting phase. Whether it was 3 months ago, 3 years ago, or 3 decades ago. It's that beginning phase that elevated you as a couple to those natural highs. You couldn't get enough of one another. Everything spoken and acted were intriguing.

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Trying something brand new to both of you fosters trust and deepens your bond. Cook up a project or attempt a new sport or game -- if it makes you feel silly, it'll be even more fun (and memorable!).

When a relationship reaches a plateau; it can be both good and bad. If you are a couple that seems to have nothing but drama popping off, then reaching some level of stability is a great recommended goal. However, if you're a couple that has been stable since day one; it becomes a bit redundant and boring. You've reached a phase where neither the mental nor the physical development is increasing nor decreasing. It's like your favorite record on repeat. You love it like none other, but at some point you're going to want to hear something else. Something new. Something different.

What does one do about this? Understanding and patience can go along way here. Putting two creative minds together can be almost earth shattering if its without limitation. There are so many treasures that the world has to offer. Exploring the common things that you and your mate discovered in the courting phase can go way beyond that first conversation. Whether it be music, art, poetry, film, photography, fashion, traveling, history, science or sports. There is always something new to discover in all of the above.

If time is an issue; its only one because you make it one. People make time for what they want to make it for. Settling in a funk is almost ungodly. It only causes a snowball effect to bigger problems in the relationship. You and your mate have to go get up and move around. Set aside some time to brainstorm. I advise those around you to get their umbrellas out! Because I know when two people like my mate and I brainstorm; its greater than any tsunami you've ever heard reported.

It's much more fun to create history than continuing to remake it.

The Mental VS. The Physical

Mental or Physical? Sink or swim?

What makes your sexual libido peak to it's highest point? Is it the physical or the mental? Some people only vision the beauty of a human body through two eyes. Sadly, only capturing the outside sculpture of would could be a life changing masterpiece. The mere physical attraction is good enough for these people. For those of us viewing the world through our mind's eye have the pleasure of being sexually touched by a beauty deeper than the outer lustful layer of skin. This is both bitter and sweet. Not everyone has the capability of touching someone mentally. It does take a rather intellectually confident person to fill a mind with brilliant bits of information, consciously turning them into sexual innuendos; causing that mind to over flow with uncontrollable climaxes.

I personally am a fan of mental orgasms. I've been in situations where there was no physical contact made, but the mere conversation alone took me to that level. I LOVE those moments. I miss those moments. I haven't had an experience like that for quite some time. For the most part, my mental is peaked sexually on first encounters. The sense of the newness alone attracts me. If there is some sort of flirtatious chase; that only ups the ante. Sad to say, once the newness fades; so does my interest. It does take a lot to lose my interest. Receptiveness is a no-no. I need for a person to take me to new levels. I need to learn new things. What I really need is to sit on the passenger side for once. I want for someone to mentally chauffeur me around, hold my hand and explore the beats of the world together. Climaxing to that beat along the way is only a perk, but it comes naturally to say the least.

As strong and opinionated as my personality is; it's hard to find someone who can fit confidently in that driver's seat. In the past this has made my dating rap sheet quite lengthy. It's always a hit and miss. The physical attraction will basically set up for it's disappearing act; I touch and I vanish. To be mentally touched over and over and over again; causing all of my guards to be let down, because I am a hostage to a person's realm of knowledge and wisdom that I manifest. That is deeper than any physical attraction I've ever encountered...

heart to heart

soul to soul
word for word

she speaks to me

in a language foreign but understood

in a way that only she could

her face I cannot see
for her back is to me
her words are all I need

pierce me

wake me

school me

mentally invade me

my mind is your playground

swing, slide, run, jump

causing my heart to thump

faster and faster

I'm astounded by your intellect

there is no beat that you neglect

your magnetic vibe pulling me in

starting to feel a heated sensation from deep within

every breath taken
escaping in familiar rhythms
I'm there yet again
what you do has got to be a sin
Greed has taken over
I listen thirstily searching for more
For it is your face I cannot see

I swear this happens

Each and every time you speak to me

Will my thirst for this encounter be quenched anytime soon? Will the situation I'm in sink or swim, because of this itch buried deep within? I hope not, for I am ready to hand my keys over and snuggle comfortably in that passengers seat. Letting the mental outweigh the physical, and carry me away to that ecstasy that I have been yearning for. The potential is there, but some people just need a little push in the right direction.

So what's your choice? The mental or the physical?

Love On The Sideline

It never fails that in every relationship there will be those crabs trying to pull you down from your happy high! This however just proves how strong you are in that relationship. Will you give in to the temptation of seduction? Will you drift down from that happy high and play with fire? How much is one moment of passion worth? All these questions might be easy to answer coming straight from your mouth, but when in that situation; we all know that's a different story.

Infidelity has been common since the beginning of time. Some of us have been guilty of it, and some of us haven't. I've been on both sides of the fence sad to say. I've done my dirt; due to some serious commitment issues that I have going on in my personal closet of skeletons. I've broken those fragile hearts because I gave into those seductive crabs. I allowed myself to be pulled down from my happy high, and I suffered through those third degree burns. It seems all good when you think your secret is quiet as kept. You feel you have that perfect situation and that sideline love knows how to play their part. Ha! Whatever is done in the dark will 99.9% of the time always come to the light at some point. And when the shit hits the fan….



Just ask Tiger!!!

Ha! Sorry Mr. Woods; I had to do it. This is a perfect example of where that sideline love can land you. I am not going to lie; he had a good run while it lasted. Had his little pieces set up like decoys cheering from the stands with the rest of the common folk. It's very rare that a sideline lover stays in his/or her lane throughout the entire course. At some point, they become resentful in the fact that they are just mere sloppy seconds. They are not the top priority, and they will forever be in the shadows. That is until they decide to steal the spotlight. Take your shine and ultimately pull you off your high horse and down from your happy high.

I must say I'm still not the most innocent woman in the world though. I still probably flirt way more than I should. My eyes wonder way more than they should. I haven't been as adamant as I should be when it comes to closing those past chapters of my life. I still have lines of communication open with those who I know play the role of the seductive crab; just waiting to snap at me the first chance they get. I must get my act right quick, fast, and in a hurry. As each day passes; I realize more and more how lucky I am to be in the relationship that I'm in. I won't find a better support system than what I have here. The love is unconditional, and the last thing I need is my fears of commitment to rear their ugly heads and mess this up. I'm living love in the 80's, and this is a happy high I don’t want to come down on anytime soon.

Love in the 80's

Wow, long time no write around these parts. I've been missing in action for quite some time; I apologize. I do have some things to get off my chest though. I've been writing old school style lately. Good old fashioned pen and paper. Other than that; where have I been? Well, I've been out on the town with love. I've finally found a woman who seems to be suitable for me. Anyone who has kept up with this blog knows my struggle when it comes to females. Boy do I know how to pick em'! I think I did alright for myself this time.

Everyone keeps telling me that this woman isn't what they pictured me with. Yes, she is out of the norm for me, but that’s a good thing. That was my problem; I would always fall for the same type of female and end up with the same problems. I was use to dealing with girls, and now I have a woman. The only thing left for me to do is get my mind right. Get out of that state of mind that I was so use to being in. I'm use to the fireworks going off by now. I'm use to being on a constant roller coaster ride, but this woman is no amusement park. She's almost perfect, and that scares me a little. Nothing sets her off, and she's so easy going about EVERYTHING. That’s a good thing right? I believe it is. She doesn't get jealous over any other female that may still be calling my phone. Her confidence and security level is through the roof. That's a great thing. She doesn't argue or debate, and she agrees with pretty much everything. Nothing is a big deal with here. In this, I am bitter-sweet.

Me being the woman I am; I need that "kick" in a relationship. I need to be put in my place 70% of the time. I need to feel like I'm in a relationship. For some reason, I still feel like I'm single. I feel free, because she's so passive. I'm use to the 21 questions. I'm use to the possessive tendencies. I'm use to the disagreements that turn me on and anticipate me for the make up session. But everything with her is….perfect. I'm use to dealing with Tasha Smith character on Why Did I Get Married, but I got the Jill Scott. Why complain? I got everything I asked for. She's the total package. I'm so use to being in a chaotic romantic setting, that I don't know how to deal in peace.

My whole fear in this perfect relationship; is that I'll grow bored. I'm no good when I'm bored, because that hardly EVER happens to me. This is why that "kick" in the relationship keeps me on my toes. It keeps me alert and keeps me fired up to keep going. I don't want to be the typical lesbian, and thrive off drama. I believe I'm a far cry from the typical lesbian, but a thickened plot makes the story so much better. I just don't want to keep looking like the evil villain, because of what I'm use to. The last thing I want to do is keep hurting her feelings, because I don’t know how to play the hand I was dealt; which is the one that I asked for.

This is still in it's early stages, and in my eyes only has the potential to get better with time. I don’t want my ways to push her away. My extreme loner ways. My unaffectionate ways. My independent ways. Oh, and yes being too independent can be a bad thing. Your mate might feel obsolete, because you do everything on your own and want no input or help. I'm good for this. All things I am working on. The affectionate thing will probably never come though. That's just not me. Nobody in my family is affectionate other than my half sister. I grew up with a mother and father that didn’t even sleep in the same bed. We didn't eat dinner together at the table. Every family member were for themselves. We were 3 strangers under one roof. So affection is something that came every blue moon for me my entire life. You can't miss something you never really had. You also can't be expected to give it either.

All I can say is; I can't let past dealings with psychotic females cause me to mess up something good. Something that I'll probably on get one chance in my life to encounter. She is my 80 after ohhhh soooo many 20's. Love in the 20's brought me nothing but bitterness and heartache. I got everything but what I truly needed out of those situations. Love in the 80's brings maturity, understanding, unconditional love, peace and and a sense of compassion any man or woman only dreams about. I'm thankful. I love her. I just need to get my mind right and FAST!!!