Another One Bites The Dust

I'm truly embarrassed to post this blog, because my track record is getting quite lengthy when it comes to failed relationships. I took yet another chance on love, and it slapped me in the face. I can't say it really hurt this time though. Either I've grown immune to loss of love, or this go round was really in truly a complete act of God and my advancement in life period.

I wondered what the outcome would be in a Aquarius Vs. Aquarius relationship. Operation -#EPICFAIL! I had hope in the longevity of the relationship despite the constant differences and belief systems. I feel like when there are two adults involved; anything can be worked out. However, if only one of you finds worth in the work, then it really doesn't matter how hard you try. It's funny how quickly things change. I was no longer a priority in the end. All ties of communication were lost, and all of my calls seemed to go ignored. Blame it on what? Our hectic schedules and demanding jobs? I'm a strong believer in that fact, that people make time for what they truly want to. Love in the eighties with this one wasn't all I cracked it up to be.

Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.

- Orison Swett Marden

Obstacles can't be walked through alone. It's a sad situation when one mate gives up. That leaves all responsibility in carrying the relationship on the other mate. Its then that it becomes unfair. This is where the communication should come into play. If one grows weary, then it should be voiced. If one feels like they can't go on, then it should be voiced. No need to start with the lies, no need to avoid your lover, and no need to bury yourself in invisible work. Operation - keep it real should've been in full effect! Instead we started to play a game of hide and go seek. I couldn't find my love anymore. She turned off all the lights in her heart, and left me in the dark. I was left guessing, wishing and hoping that the opportunity would come back around to rekindle our flame. The sad fact is, the relationship was over way before I decided to hand back my keys.

Facing the situation like a real woman would've been respected and appreciated. Instead the hiding continued. Instead of the president facing the press, the secretary of defense stepped in and looked me in the eye. How cowardly is that? I still haven't spoken to the president to this day, and that's a damn shame. But when guilt and shame take over face value; I can see why hiding would be a better option. I'm a complete asshole. I'm detached. I show little or no emotion at times. I'm unaffectionate 80% of the time. I'm blunt and I tend not to spare feelings. I'm arrogant. I'm a loner. I'm spoiled rotten. This is just to name a few of my flaws. I'm an extremely hard person to learn, and an even harder person to deal with. However, I was everything that I said I was from the very beginning. All of my cards were laid out on the table face up. There were no secrets and no masks, but yet again; I couldn't say that about my mate.

I pray for her though, and her well being. I'm ignoring the rumors about the things were conveniently not shared with while in the relationship. I've never been one to take the word of another who isn't involved in the situation anyway. I've thrown it all in God's hands with all my other problems. I'm not equipped to deal with the weak-hearted, and one who can't face their own issues. So I got to move on. "Don't let anyone validate your happiness" are words that definitely need to be practiced by the one preaching it. Trust and believe I am one tough act to follow, and my presence will be one that will be desired for the rest of your life. I was built to change the life of every person that I embrace. My voice is not one that carries, and not one that is always heard. It's my silence that that bounces off the walls, and it's my words that linger. I wonder if she can hear me now? Too bad she couldn't be there to hear my say goodbye.

P.S. - I promise I'm not gassing up the next one until she ultimately proves herself dammit! Having a handful of failed relationships is NOT a good look. My sis always told me "Tamica, you sureee know how to pick em'!" and she ain't lying!

Pushing The Pride Aside

Like a newborn fresh out the womb
its your nourishment I need to consume
in mass quantities
a food for the soul that lasts forever
you're my teacher
and its your knowledge I treasure
In your opinions I hold utmost respect
to voice such I tend to neglect
a lifetime difficulty to overcome I have tried
many tears of frustration I have cried
what seems to be the hardest thing to do
is push my pride aside



Daily Couples: Brought to you from Yahoo!


You don't usually stress too much about getting ahead in the world, but you may be feeling those concerns now. Reassurance is there in the form of your sweetie, but they won't know you need it unless you ask.

My pride has always been a very big issue for me. It's hard to bend a person like me. I'm very stubborn and stuck in my ways like none other. It's in my genetic pool. From my great parents to my grand parents, and on to my parents. Puffed up with pride. We have to do everything by ourselves and in our way. Pride is an honorable trait to obtain, but to have too much of it can be a bad thing. You start to hurt those around you to protect your own ego.


Sometimes we forget that the people in our corner need our help in order to help us. We automatically expect them to know what's going on inside of us, and this is not fair to them. They only can support so much going off what we have communicated to them. When big changes come around in life; brining on extra stress, we sometimes lash out on the people who are closest to us. They only thing they are guilty of is trying to help as much as they can. If they don't say or do what we EXPECT them to do; we take major offense to it. Stopping and thinking about the situation; did you really voice what you needed from them? Or did you think they could read what's on the inside of you and automatically save your day? I am OH SO GUILTY of this.

Putting your pride aside, and asking your mate for help when needed is not a bad thing. It's a very good thing. It also shows your mate that you respect and trust them. To feel needed in a loving relationship is a very good feeling. This is one publish where I have to seriously practice what I preach. Ha! Just ask my mate!

Breaking Through The Plateau

Keeping a relationship brand new can be a bit of a task. Especially when you reach certain plateaus that seem a bit frustrating to push through. The main thing to focus on when facing such trials is to remember the love that started it all. Reminisce on the courting phase. Whether it was 3 months ago, 3 years ago, or 3 decades ago. It's that beginning phase that elevated you as a couple to those natural highs. You couldn't get enough of one another. Everything spoken and acted were intriguing.

Daily Couples: Brought to you from Yahoo!


Trying something brand new to both of you fosters trust and deepens your bond. Cook up a project or attempt a new sport or game -- if it makes you feel silly, it'll be even more fun (and memorable!).

When a relationship reaches a plateau; it can be both good and bad. If you are a couple that seems to have nothing but drama popping off, then reaching some level of stability is a great recommended goal. However, if you're a couple that has been stable since day one; it becomes a bit redundant and boring. You've reached a phase where neither the mental nor the physical development is increasing nor decreasing. It's like your favorite record on repeat. You love it like none other, but at some point you're going to want to hear something else. Something new. Something different.

What does one do about this? Understanding and patience can go along way here. Putting two creative minds together can be almost earth shattering if its without limitation. There are so many treasures that the world has to offer. Exploring the common things that you and your mate discovered in the courting phase can go way beyond that first conversation. Whether it be music, art, poetry, film, photography, fashion, traveling, history, science or sports. There is always something new to discover in all of the above.

If time is an issue; its only one because you make it one. People make time for what they want to make it for. Settling in a funk is almost ungodly. It only causes a snowball effect to bigger problems in the relationship. You and your mate have to go get up and move around. Set aside some time to brainstorm. I advise those around you to get their umbrellas out! Because I know when two people like my mate and I brainstorm; its greater than any tsunami you've ever heard reported.

It's much more fun to create history than continuing to remake it.

The Mental VS. The Physical

Mental or Physical? Sink or swim?

What makes your sexual libido peak to it's highest point? Is it the physical or the mental? Some people only vision the beauty of a human body through two eyes. Sadly, only capturing the outside sculpture of would could be a life changing masterpiece. The mere physical attraction is good enough for these people. For those of us viewing the world through our mind's eye have the pleasure of being sexually touched by a beauty deeper than the outer lustful layer of skin. This is both bitter and sweet. Not everyone has the capability of touching someone mentally. It does take a rather intellectually confident person to fill a mind with brilliant bits of information, consciously turning them into sexual innuendos; causing that mind to over flow with uncontrollable climaxes.

I personally am a fan of mental orgasms. I've been in situations where there was no physical contact made, but the mere conversation alone took me to that level. I LOVE those moments. I miss those moments. I haven't had an experience like that for quite some time. For the most part, my mental is peaked sexually on first encounters. The sense of the newness alone attracts me. If there is some sort of flirtatious chase; that only ups the ante. Sad to say, once the newness fades; so does my interest. It does take a lot to lose my interest. Receptiveness is a no-no. I need for a person to take me to new levels. I need to learn new things. What I really need is to sit on the passenger side for once. I want for someone to mentally chauffeur me around, hold my hand and explore the beats of the world together. Climaxing to that beat along the way is only a perk, but it comes naturally to say the least.

As strong and opinionated as my personality is; it's hard to find someone who can fit confidently in that driver's seat. In the past this has made my dating rap sheet quite lengthy. It's always a hit and miss. The physical attraction will basically set up for it's disappearing act; I touch and I vanish. To be mentally touched over and over and over again; causing all of my guards to be let down, because I am a hostage to a person's realm of knowledge and wisdom that I manifest. That is deeper than any physical attraction I've ever encountered...

heart to heart

soul to soul
word for word

she speaks to me

in a language foreign but understood

in a way that only she could

her face I cannot see
for her back is to me
her words are all I need

pierce me

wake me

school me

mentally invade me

my mind is your playground

swing, slide, run, jump

causing my heart to thump

faster and faster

I'm astounded by your intellect

there is no beat that you neglect

your magnetic vibe pulling me in

starting to feel a heated sensation from deep within

every breath taken
escaping in familiar rhythms
I'm there yet again
what you do has got to be a sin
Greed has taken over
I listen thirstily searching for more
For it is your face I cannot see

I swear this happens

Each and every time you speak to me

Will my thirst for this encounter be quenched anytime soon? Will the situation I'm in sink or swim, because of this itch buried deep within? I hope not, for I am ready to hand my keys over and snuggle comfortably in that passengers seat. Letting the mental outweigh the physical, and carry me away to that ecstasy that I have been yearning for. The potential is there, but some people just need a little push in the right direction.

So what's your choice? The mental or the physical?

Love On The Sideline

It never fails that in every relationship there will be those crabs trying to pull you down from your happy high! This however just proves how strong you are in that relationship. Will you give in to the temptation of seduction? Will you drift down from that happy high and play with fire? How much is one moment of passion worth? All these questions might be easy to answer coming straight from your mouth, but when in that situation; we all know that's a different story.

Infidelity has been common since the beginning of time. Some of us have been guilty of it, and some of us haven't. I've been on both sides of the fence sad to say. I've done my dirt; due to some serious commitment issues that I have going on in my personal closet of skeletons. I've broken those fragile hearts because I gave into those seductive crabs. I allowed myself to be pulled down from my happy high, and I suffered through those third degree burns. It seems all good when you think your secret is quiet as kept. You feel you have that perfect situation and that sideline love knows how to play their part. Ha! Whatever is done in the dark will 99.9% of the time always come to the light at some point. And when the shit hits the fan….



Just ask Tiger!!!

Ha! Sorry Mr. Woods; I had to do it. This is a perfect example of where that sideline love can land you. I am not going to lie; he had a good run while it lasted. Had his little pieces set up like decoys cheering from the stands with the rest of the common folk. It's very rare that a sideline lover stays in his/or her lane throughout the entire course. At some point, they become resentful in the fact that they are just mere sloppy seconds. They are not the top priority, and they will forever be in the shadows. That is until they decide to steal the spotlight. Take your shine and ultimately pull you off your high horse and down from your happy high.

I must say I'm still not the most innocent woman in the world though. I still probably flirt way more than I should. My eyes wonder way more than they should. I haven't been as adamant as I should be when it comes to closing those past chapters of my life. I still have lines of communication open with those who I know play the role of the seductive crab; just waiting to snap at me the first chance they get. I must get my act right quick, fast, and in a hurry. As each day passes; I realize more and more how lucky I am to be in the relationship that I'm in. I won't find a better support system than what I have here. The love is unconditional, and the last thing I need is my fears of commitment to rear their ugly heads and mess this up. I'm living love in the 80's, and this is a happy high I don’t want to come down on anytime soon.